i feel like...

Wednesday, January 31, 2007


I love Good Will Hunting. Love it.

I love Will. I love Skyla. I love Chuckie. I love Shawn. I love Jerry.

I love the part when Will meets Skyla in a bar.
I love the part when Shawn and Will are sitting on the park bench discussing experience.
I love the part when Shawn is talking about meeting his wife and missing the world series game.
I love the "it's not your fault" part.

I love everything about it.
If you haven't seen it...you MUST do so this weekend. It's my only request :)

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

snow delays, praxis 3, and free movies

Being a teacher has its perks and its crazy annoyances

Monday was one of the most stressful days of my life because I had to get observed by this state person to see if I could get my "real" license. I had some AWESOME friends that came and helped me clean my room and make it look like a new room! Everything ended up being fine and totally not as big as a deal as I was making it (surprise, surprise).

It's sort of ridiculous how stressed out I got about it actually. There are such bigger things in life. SUCH bigger things...and these things are surfacing themselves like crazy in my life lately.

On Friday night, my friend Sarah and I got to see Freedom Writers for free. Because we are teachers, we got a free ticket to go see the movie down in Newport. It was a really good movie - a bit Dangerous Mindsish, but good and would recommend it - especially as a rental.

One of the lines in the movie was when Hilary Swank was really getting down on her life. Her marraige was falling apart, the kids were going crazy, and she wasn't getting anywhere with the administration. Her dad was sitting with her and he said, "Honey, I'm proud of you. You have been blessed with a burden."

You have been blessed with a burden. That sentence really hit me and I think I told Sarah in the middle of the movie that Im blogging about that. But I dont really know what I want to say about it.

It's interesting to see what people's "burdens" or passions are. I feel like it comes out in their jobs, in their families, in their everyday actions and words. I dont always feel that my burdens are blessings. But I think they are...

They bring out what gets us moving
They bring out what makes us feel alive
They help us grow
They get us out of bed in the morning
They motivate the things we do on a daily basis

So what's your burden? What have you felt called to/led to...What do you feel totally passionate about? What are you blessed with?

Friday, January 19, 2007


Things that make me laugh:

1. Michael Scott, Dwight Schrute, and Jim Halpert
2. Conversations with Sean and Annie Michael Murphy and phone calls from Pegger
3. Hanging out with Sarah and Ammers, my college roomates in the nook, and remembering stuff
4. The kiddies in my class
5. Steve Fuller's blog comments

Things that make me cry:

1. The Notebook, You've Got Mail, Shawshank Redemption, Little Miss Sunshine, Pride and Prejudice...maybe any movie I watch
2. Long drives with the right song on
3. Peoples' stories - maybe good kind of cry and maybe heartache kind of cry
4. The kiddies in my class
5. Seeing babies - that's a good kind of cry

Thursday, January 18, 2007


Go download:

Love Will Come Through, Travis

Set the Fire to the Third Bar, Coldplay

When Soul Meets Body, Death Cab for Cutie

There Goes the Fear, Doves

Monday, January 15, 2007

the great sin

I feel like the last few weeks I have been a crazy person. I get big time on the defense if someone judges my character or if I feel like they think something that's not true about me or I freak out when people see me mess up. I can't let things drop and I dwell on everything. I haven't been able to figure out what my deal is. I think its come down to the fact that my pride's been shot. My true colors have shown themselves.

Like 5 years ago Sean had us read "The Great Sin" chapter in Mere Christianity for leadership. That night it kicked my butt. I remember going home and reading that chapter in my book and highlighting the heck out of it. I read it again a few years later and double underlined some stuff. Last night I went to read it again and the same stuff that I underlined 5 years ago is still a HUGE problem for me. This is a never ending battle. This is always something we're going to deal with.

Here's some cool stuff from the chapter that is highlighted, underlined, and currently kicking my butt...

There is one vice of which no man in the world is free...pride

Pride leads to every other vice: it is the complete anti-God state of mind

In God you come up against something which is in every respect immeasurably superior to yourself. Unless you know God as that and therefore know yourself as nothing in comparison - you do not know God at all. As long as you are proud you cannot know God.

The real test of being in the presence of God is that you either forget about yourself altogether or see yourself as a small dirty object. It is better to forget about yourself altogether.

The man who is truly humble will not be thinking about humility: he will not be thinking about himself at all.

and my favorite:

The point is, God wants you to know Him: wants to give you Himself. And he and you are two things of such a kind that if you really get into any kind of touch with Him you will, in fact, be humble - delightedly humble, feeling the infinite relief of having for once got rid of all the silly nonsense about your own dignity which has made you restless and unhappy all your life.

Saturday, January 13, 2007

is anything cuter???

I mean seriously
Is anything in life better than this????

Thursday, January 11, 2007

I stole this from Stef - go read her blog

This explains a lot...

"Hope awakens desire that takes us into war- so we try to kill our desires."

So what do we do with that?

You know me. You don't mind waiting.

You just can't show me, but God I'm praying,
That you'll find me, and that you'll see me,
That you run and never tire.
Ryan Adams

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

boys and girls

Boys and girls are so different. SO different. And the older I get the more I realize how different we are.

The other day I was saying to someone, I dont think we're really that different. I told the person that I think I sort of get guys and I think that I can explain myself and women in general to a guy.


That might be the most ridiculous statement I have ever made. I am starting to be ok with not knowing. I think that's part of the fun of life. But I also want to sort of know. I just wonder if we can.

One of the things that I LOVE about God is we can see him in a man and in a woman. I think this is my motivation for wanting to understand men. There are parts of a man that show parts of God for who he is. There are parts of a woman that show a different face of God. I want to know both. But can I? Outside of heaven...outside of marriage can I know both sides?

And how the heck does all that work?

Monday, January 08, 2007

bigger than me

I love stuff that's bigger than me.

I love the NFL. I love Ohio State football. I love being a part of a church or an organization that is doing such amazing things that I can't even believe that I get to be a part of it. I love that little babies are born to people who I love more than life.

I love that we get to be a part of all this. That we get to experience all these amazing things that we really dont have tons of control over and that sometimes can shape us for who we are and who we will become.

I got crazy anxious before Sunday's Bengals/Steelers rematch. I had nothing to do with the outcome. I couldn't score the points or coach the team...I just love getting all caught up in it. I am so excited for tomorrow's OSU game because how fun for a team to be so freaking good...and to continue to kick butt. I again have no control over that. I love that I get to be a part of a church that sees such a need for Jesus in a college community and in a rough part of town community. I just long to be a part of all these things that are so much bigger than me and my day to day life.

I got to see my best friend's baby girl today. What an amazing little girl and what an amazing family she's got. It's amazing how you instantly feel so much love for such a gorgeous girl the minute you see her.

I long for so much more than the here and now. I think that God created us to long for the things that are bigger than us. In reality, I think its us longing for him. There is just so much that I want to get, that I want to understand...but I think right now I just need to pay attention to these longings cause it helps me see Jesus a little more clearly.

Thursday, January 04, 2007


My best friend is having a baby. On Sunday.
She's going to be a mommy and that is SO fun!!!

I just am so excited for her and I know she's going to be the best mom on the planet and her husband will be the best dad on the planet. (besides sean and annie, of course:)

I just needed to write a tribute blog to her because Im not sure I could love her more than I do. She just has had such an impact on my life and Im not sure what I would do without her.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

I hate drama

Yes, I am a girl. Yes, I do thrive in the "drama" that occurs in my life. Yes, I do create drama, probably daily.

But I hate drama. I hate it. I hate people being angry at each other, at me, and I hate being angry with people. And I can't sit in the drama. I need to deal with it immediately. So in turn I call everyone and their best friend and then I email the person and then I call them and say weird stuff and then just look like an idiot, all in the attempt to end any sort of drama.

As much as I say I hate drama, it seems that I might love it. I dont want to love it. I dont want to have anything to do with it. I just want to have fun, talk about Jesus and then think about what I should do at school tomorrow. Is that even possible?

I just wonder how much I could get accomplished using all the emotional energy I use towards drama. I could probably solve world peace if I could just direct my energies in a more productive way...

ps. I just counted 21 I's in this post - serious issues.