i feel like...

Sunday, July 30, 2006

wedding toasts

I think one of the hardest things in life is to find the balance between being completely fulfilled by God and allowing yourself to be filled by people too. I think I have a twisted perception about how this works. I feel like it's ok to need people - its ok and a good thing to know that you are loved by other people. I just don't know where the balance is between needing people and being ok knowing that God loves you.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

canoeing = life revelation via Sean MM

IT WAS SAVED SOMEHOW!!! I LOVE BLOGGIN :)Now I feel like I shouldn't have said it was funny - I didn't think anyone would be able to see it ever again! oh well....

So this weekend was a great weekend. This week is a great week. A bit busy with wedding funness (yes its a word) hence why I am writing about the weekend on Wednesday - halfway to the next weekend, but I think I learned a few little lessons this week.

a) Never canoe with Stef Shaf. She sucks at steering and runs you into trees and blames it on you the whole time
b) Before you marry someone, go canoeing with them. For like 6 hours. And make it be hot out and the river have shallow, cold water,and make the stream have lots of trees and debris in it. Then see if you still want to marry the person because I PROMISE their true self will come out.
c) Canoeing can make you learn a lot about yourself.

Let me tell you a little story. There were two girls. We are going to call them Marie and Fets. Marie and Fets were in a canoe with another girl Emily. Life was good when Emily was in the canoe because Marie was in the front paddling when felt like it, and Fets was in the middle minding her own business and focusing on tequila shots like a nice girl and Emily paddled the whole time. The girls rode along great with no problems at all. They were smooth sailing - no wrecks, no tipping, no arguing, just good ole canoeing. The girls stopped for lunch. Emily decides she sick of Marie and Fets (I don't really blame her) and she goes in a canoe with some guys. So, Marie and Fets have to fend for themselves. Marie just likes to float down the stream. Fets might be the most competitive person on the planet and wants to beat the canoe that holds their PREGNANT friend and husband. So Fets gets a bit fiesty. She says to Marie over 45 times to start paddling. But when Marie paddles, it sort of steers them because she is stronger than Fets. So, Fets and Marie run into multiple things. They include the following:
a) seaweed on the side of the stream
b) a tree that attacks Marie's head and leaves multiple twigs, leaves and branches in it
c) a stump that they hit head on and get whiplash because both of the girls were paddling like crazy
d) a tree that had fallen across the stream. this was the best one because of course Fets paddled and TRIED to steer (obviously she doesn't know how to steer) but the tree kind of clotheslined Marie in the front of the boat and she was stuck there trying to hold on to the tree as the current tried to pull their boat under. Pregnant friend and husband were laughing histerically at Marie because she was stuck under the tree for approx. 5 minutes while Fets was yelling and peeing her pants at the same time. Marie got out of the tree and Fets flew under and life was good. The freaking canoe ride was over, but Marie was a bit scratched up. Thank goodness Marie really likes Fets and she is moving to Seattle and Marie is a bit saddened by that, so it is making up for their hellish endeavor.

So here is my transition that is sort of like Sean MM. You know, the story then the illustration that has something to do with life/God. I am determined to learn something about God from this canoe experience. Here are a few things that I learned in all seriousness:
a) Being in a canoe is like being in a relationship. Friendships, dating, marriage, menor/mentoree, etc. Both people have to work hard and focus in order for it to be smooth sailing. Both people need to adjust to the other person's needs. If one person wants to relax the other person needs to be aware and willing to accomodate that. If one person wants to speed up, the other person needs to be aware of that. There also needs to be constant communication. The person in front needs to let the person in back know what's coming. Both people need to communicate how they are feeling and ways the other person can help them. Also, tone is everything. If you ask someone to paddle nicely they are more willing to do it than if they are asked in an annoyed tone. Same question - two totally different meanings. Ah, being inside a female's brain. One person can't do all the work or it doesn't work out right. Both people need to do their share.
b) Sometimes life comes at you fast. You hit obstacles and you have a few options. You can push through - you might get a few leaves on your head, but they are easily brushed off. You can go at them head on - you might get whiplash, but that only lasts for a little bit. You can try and avoid them and they clothesline you - people may laugh, but realize they are laughing with you, not at you. You can work through them with other people. This may be the best option. You get to laugh a whole bunch and its easier to go through stuff with someone rather than on your own.
c) I'm wondering if guys have the same problems as girls in a canoe.
d) God still loves you, even if you suck at canoeing.

i hate bloggin

im depressed. I just took like maybe an hour to type something funny (know I was emailing and ordering my brother's bday present at the same time) and it just closed for no reason. Sorry Stef. Our canoeing story with life lesson will have to be put on hold.

Peace out.

Monday, July 24, 2006


So kelly Clarkson. Amazing. I love her. AND she loves Ray Lamontagne (who Dan K. loves - you can read his blog if you click on Dan on the right of mine) and his song Shelter might be my song of the month. So go ahead and download that and make me a happy camper :)

You also need to listen to Hear Me and Beautiful Disaster because they are windows to a girl's soul...kinda like Pride and Prejudice

Amazing time with my fave people in Altoona as well. And I don't know if I have ever sang since you've been gone louder than with Kate Muhl, Ash Han, Kels Muhl, Beegs and Tiffy than that night :)

Thursday, July 20, 2006

reasons I was not created to "serve in the kitchen"

1. It took me five minutes to figure out how to turn the vaccuum on today
2. I tried to vaccuum dog hair and I think I got 2 pieces of it up
3. While vaccuuming, I sucked up a Target bag. Sweet.
4. I made cookies on a pampered chef baking stone that's not mine (if you know what a pampered chef stone is, you know i spend too much money on not necessary things because I also have my own stone - thus my point that I buy expensive cookware that I never use)
5. I was using someone else's stone to make cookies (by cookies I mean the bag kind that you add egg and butter and stir) and I forgot i put the cookies in the oven - Thus burning the CRAP out of the cookies because I read a part of my book, showered and blow dried my hair in the mean time
6. Every time I do laundry, something happens to some piece of clothing = shrinkage, bleachspots and i don't use bleach, or detergent markings stuck forever in my clothing, or color change
7. I can't function in a house that doesn't have air condirioning
8. I am up at 330 am packing, cleaning and figuring out my VERY disorganized life so i can go camping with my best friend of life, alissa and one of my other bffae's steffy and then so I can go to jill's and watch my other best friend get married!
9. I get really scared at night
10. I dont' know how to balance a checkbook at all - I am great at math, I just don't really get the concept and maybe even the point :)

PS I just went to the most amazing concert ever - Kelly Clarkson - and Im not kidding it was wonderful and expect an update sometime in the next few days...there was def some spiritual significance...lets just say God's really great and I'm obsessed with Kelly :) Thanks for a fun night Ash, Kels, Kate, Court and Tiff - I just love you guys more than life!

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

i am a pharisee

9To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everybody else, Jesus told this parable: 10"Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11The Pharisee stood up and prayed about[a] himself: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. 12I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.'

13"But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.'

14"I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted."

So many times in my life I am comparing myself to others and thinking how much better pff I am than they are. I have thought to myself more than once, "why do they get the life I want when they are so far from God it's ridiculous," and "whoa, Im glad Im not in their situation - I would never let myself stoop that low." But I would stoop that low - I do stoop that low.

What the heck is wrong with this picture? I am what is wrong with this picture. How am I loving people when I am so focused on their crap and so hidden about my own crap? I can point out someone's junk in maybe a minute of meeting them. I have them all figured out and can almost rank them spiritually - but me, I am always at the top of the class...in my own mind. Which I am SO not!!!! I HATE that my brain gets like this.

Help me to recognize my need for grace.

Sunday, July 16, 2006


why is saturday night live not really that funny anymore?
it makes me sad - i need harry carey, chris farley and the lovers

Friday, July 14, 2006

to do list

Things I need to do in the next 5 weeks:
-get motivated to do 2nd grade teacher things
-spend hundreds of dollars on 2nd grade things
-get all my YL stuff ready to pass on to the next guy
-finish the work from my DUMB starburst class
-find an apartment
-convince my brother to live with me
-put a deposit on my ideal apartment that has a pool, exercise room, and is near everything fun in my life
-go to the Kelly Clarkson concert (YAY!)
-go camping with two of my favorite people on the planet
-go hang out at my BFFAE's to get ready for her wedding!!!
-watch jill marry her best friend
-hangout every second with my fun altoid friends while I'm here
-meet my new fun friends
-get moved in so that I can have a fun dinner party and invite my friends over
-freak out about how I have no idea what Im doing with teaching 2nd grade
-calm down
-freak out again
and last but not least...
-say bye to people that I love and care about more than life

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

you're beautiful

Something I've been realizing about people and especially about myself is that we don't understand the magnitude as to how much God loves us.
Last weekend I was at Jill's wedding and two specific things caught my attention. This was sort of bad because I am already mega-emotional at weddings and then these things got in my head and wouldn't leave - causing more emotion than the norm...
1) Jill's grandparents. They might have been one of the most purest expressions of love that I have ever seen. Her grandpa in his pale purple suitcoat, looking so proud of his granddaughter and loving his wife so much all over again was amazing to watch. His wife was in a wheelchair and was a fragile little grandma and the way that he moved her from the wheelchair to the pew and back was just so compassionate. He never made it look like it was hard for him - he never made it look like he didn't want to do it - in fact it was the complete opposite - he seemed delighted to do it. And it was great to watch him just rub her hand during the ceremony, seemingly probably remembering their day like this 50 years earlier. I want that.

2) My favorite thing to do is watch the groom as the bride is walking down the aisle. I love it. I love watching their face go from shining to brighter to trying to hold back tears to not caring that the tears fall. I love how their eyes just lock on their bride and are totally unaware of everything else in their world. It was fun to watch them stand up there together and profess their love in front of so many people that they love and care about and that love and care about them. I became obsessed with the idea that Zach chose Jill. He chose her because of the way that he loves her. He chose her because she completes him. He will continue to choose her until the day that he dies. Jill is confident in his love for her. That day she wasn't worried or even remotely doubted that he didn't love her. She was beautiful because she knew that his love for her was real.

Why can't we, or I guess I should just say I, be confident in God's love for us like that? What's the hold up? Why the doubt? Everyday we are bombarded with lies of the world and it is just so frustrating. God chooses us. God loves us more than we can even begin to understand. We are valuable - so valuable that he gave up his most precious thing. I know that sounds soooo cliche right now, but I feel like I need to keep repeating it and repeating it so that it starts to sink in or something.

So my dilemma at hand is that I KNOW the love is there - I just can't seem to let it in or something.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

some highlights

so here are some highlights from my VERY fun weekend :)

the weekend started with "jana and annie's favorite people" night...
all the girlies...

my favorite "NEW" friend :)

funny and smart guys...

then we were off to Jill K's - now Jill Prout's! wedding - That's right-driving to Chicago and back in a day!!

and one of my favorite kids at my favorite restaurant - CHIPOTLE :)

and little parker elisabeth murphy with krob :)

part one girls and boys

So, I maybe just experienced one of the best weekends of my life. I just love some of my friends so much - you'll get some pics in a bit...Im too tired to go out to my car and get my cam...check StefShaf's blog to get a little teaser

One of my roomates from college got married this weekend. I love her. I love my roomates. It was so fun to drive to Chicago and back in a day to celebrate with her :)

During the reception one of my friends Chad and I got into a conversation about the differences between girls' brains and guys' brains. It was one of the more interesting conversations I've had in a long time and I haven't really been able to stop thinking about it. I just have always been very intrigued about male's brains. I kind of get female brains, not quite because we are quite complex minds, but I am one so I think I have some sort of grasp on them.
My friend Chad is pretty credible - he is a public speaker and you can check out his website here.
He is the guy speaker for the RevolveTour which means that he tells teenage girls the way a guy's brain works - what they think about, what they mean when they say something, how they view life, love and all that is important. He does love Jesus and he's had real struggles in his life and is TOTALLY honest about his own brain, so I feel like he's pretty credible.
I just am intrigued by a lot of stuff that he said and I am SO interested in opinions on this matter (Fuller this is why you need to call me back - you are NOT allowed to discuss only via blog)

Here is my first question. Do guys want "needy girls" or confident girls? I can see an argument for both sides of the coin. Needy girls allow guys to feel just that - needed. They set the man up to rescue them, to love them, to fix them, to be men. (which I'm saying are all great things) But they can be annoying as crap if they get so needy that the needs become unhealthy and a whole bigger problem is underlying all of that. Confident girls are great because a man can just be an admire her beauty and have fun not worrying about their insecurities, etc. But, confident girls can be a turnoff as well because they wave an air of independence, and an I don't need you kind of attitude - not intentionally but you can see it when its there. It can be somewhat intimidating. So I dont get what guys want.

I also totally realize that there is a TON more to it than this...this was just one of the things that was brought up on wedding night. Chad also talked a lot about how guys are visual and logical - how being perfomance driven can cause problems at home - and just more on how they think.

I feel like I am on some sort of a treasure hunt or something to find the secrets of men - it has always been so fascinating to me and now I just want to soak up any knowledge we've got on this topic - thanks for the trigger Chad

Thursday, July 06, 2006

can life get better?

T-20 hours until one of the best times of my life occurs!
Can't wait to see you guys.

Pray that I get out of my "StarBurst" class really early!

Have a great weekend my friends!!!


Wednesday, July 05, 2006

im getting a dog and hopefully my brother as a roomate :)

So a couple of fun things have happened in the past couple of DAYS...

I got a job!!! I get to be a second grade teacher at Marshall Elementary in Oxford, Ohio - GO MIAMI! So that's really fun and exciting and you should get excited too because you'll get to hear/read about fun stories from "Miss O's" room! I can't wait to tell you about my kiddies

So this is pretty bitter sweet for me because I LOVE my life here and I'll be SOOOO sad to go - but I am SO excited as well...I mean I get QUALITY sean and annie time, fun nights with Katy and Liz B., new friends and old friends all the time...

Which leads me to my next fun news - I get to pick out an apartment! So if any of you know any peeps who want a roomate and what to live in Fairfield area, send them my way...preferably female, single, and nonpsycho - or pray that my brother will get a job, move down there and live with me....The 2nd two requests are dependent on the first (job) but he would be the best roomate ever - I would LOVE it

And even better if they want a dog - cause I am getting one! I think I might be getting a head of myself here, but I just went to pick up the dog of the people I live with and he was just wonderful. He was at a dog kennel for like 9 days and was going CRAZY when I picked him up - he was crying because he was so excited to see me...he just kept licking my face, jumping all over me (which was sort of unsafe because I was driving) but was just so cute!!! I want to have that to come home to everyday...Why don't I love people like dogs love us? I mean seriously people...I dont want to lick your face or anything, but I do want to love people with NOTHING attached!
So yes, I am getting a doggy at some point in this year. It might be dangerous because step one of my plan, getting a plant, didn't turn out too well considering the plant has been left at KateB's accidently now 3 times! I am a sucky plant mom. I'll get it this weekend katy :) when we are celebrating your NEW HOUSE!

Hope you all are having a GREAT day!
Sorry for the EXTREME overusage of exclamation points and caps - I feel a bit teeny bopperish ;)

Tuesday, July 04, 2006


Since summer is halfway over (sadness) I thought today would be a good day to do my top ten list of summer...
Definitely my favorite season of the year (I love fall but I think its cause that's when my bday is) There is just nothing compared to the feeling I get when its summer time...

10. Having the time and energy to drive to Cincinnati and back in 3 times in less than 2 weeks :) and hopefully getting a job!
9. Summmer schedules - everyone is a lot more lax and is into more spur of the moment fun things
8. The Pool. The most relaxing place on the planet - you get tan and get to read fun books, which leads me to...
7. Summer Pool Books - not necessarily trashy novels, but nonthinkers (The Devil Wears Prada, Confessions of a Shopaholic, Something Blue) My friend Katy is in on this with me as well, but she is more intelligent than I because she picks a couple of no brainers and then a literature book to read through. I might copy her because I REALLY want to read Persuasion too. Thanks Kate!
6. Summer Movies - some of the best movies come out in the summer - and I get to go see them with my movie going buddies Katie, Kelsey, Ash, Court and others :)
5. Fun Weddings - summer is wedding season and some of my favorite people are getting married!!!!! Jill and Zac this weekend in Chicago (YAY House of Mud reunion!!) and Jill and Scott Minks at the end of the month! I just love these people so much. I hope all my friends find husbands/wives that are this quality and that I like to be around this much.
4. VACA - the ability to relax and just be. This is usually better when you are in a tropical location because its a bit boring when you are just waiting in limbo with not much to do (see StefShaf)
3. Baseball games - especially at the Altoona Curve because when you go you literally see 100 people that you know and you get to eat CurveBurgers and corn on the cob
2. Picnics, BBQs, Neighborhood gatherings...This is in my top 5 reasons of wanting to get married. BBQs are my fave - picnics with friends are my fave - and watching little kids be friends and play, I just LOVE
1. Great friends and family that I get to see A LOT! that I dont get to normally see during the year and more time with the people I get to see all the time.

Go out and enjoy summer! Happy BBQs, picnics, and fireworks today!