i feel like...

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

do we have to sin?

So I am in this Bible Study. I LOVE the women in the bible study, but I HATE the book. I usually love anything that I read, but I am reallllllly struggling with this author. I think she's boring and I think she's flat out wrong sometimes...but I guess that is just my opinion!
Anyways, today in BS we were discussing one of the questions in the book and I have been thinking about it all morning. I'm not sure how I feel about it. It's hard for me to come to a conclusion in my mind...
This was the quetsion...Do we have to sin?
She quoted Romans 6:6,7,14 - "6For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin— 7because anyone who has died has been freed from sin.... 14For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace."
So then she was saying because we are not held by sin anymore because Christ did away with it - so we are free from it. Sin isn't our master, our controller anymore because we are under grace.
Now that's nice and all, but here is where I am struggling. I still sin! All the time. Every day. Maybe every minute of every day. I definitely don't feel free from it and I won't until I get to be in heaven. I feel like Romans 7 has a different take on this issue.
"14We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do...17As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing."
What the heck? We are freed from sin, but we are also held to sin because the sin in us keeps doing things that we don't want to do. So I'm wondering how sin isn't our master anymore, but I still feel it controling me. Am I reading these passages way out of context? or am I just a little nuts right now and not thinking clearly? i would LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE thoughts on this from some of you wiser than I! I feel stuck

Monday, February 27, 2006


I get to teach 8th grade today. Good times. I told this little guy he could come in the classroom a few minutes early from lunch. I asked how his lunch was and he proceded to take that as an invitation to tell me everything about his life. I found out where he buried his dead birds - fincehes to be exact, but isn't sure where the mama bird is buried. I found out that he has a white bird that blends in with his vanilla colored curtain. I found out that he used to live in Kentucky and there was a band teacher that lived across the street from him who wanted him to play in the high school band as a solo, even though he was only in junior high. I got to see the northern lights on the internet cause he found them for me. I got to hear all about his insulin shots because he is diabetic.
I realized today from austin, that all people want to do is tell their stories. It could be the dumbest story you have ever heard, and when they just keep on talking and talking and talking they don't get the hint and continue to tell you their dumb stories. But truth be told, I think that all people want is to have someone know them.
I stink at listening. The other day I was driving someone in my car for about 20 minutes. I honestly don't remember what we talked about. My mind was totally somewhere else and I think I told her "that's awesome" about 28 times. She might have been telling me that her gerbil died yesterday, but she thinks that according to me, that's pretty awesome.
I hope that I actually seek out people's stories. That I always invite people to share and that I actually listen so that I can love them even just a little bit better and maybe even learn from them.

hard to please

I dont know why I don't like my life sometimes. I've got a pretty great life. I've got a job doing what I love, I've got a great boss, I've got great friends, I've got a great church, I've got all the fun toys that I want. Sometimes I just get in these funks where I am like, what the heck am i doing? What the heck am I doing in Altoona, Penn, hanging out with high school kids allllllllll the time? Why the heck do I want to teach? Why do I whine about not having more people around me when I have some of the GREATEST friends in the world (some of which I get to see in less than 4 days!!!!!!!!!)
I wish I could be like Paul. I wish I could be content in every circumstance. I wish that I knew in my heart that content doesn't have to mean really happy. I wish that my eyes would be open to the all the greats instead of all the blahs. I continually am focusing, actually dwelling or meditating, on all the things that I hate or all the things that I wish were different. What the heck is the point of that? I think I am missing out on the true joys in my life. So if you here me whining - punch me in the arm. I don't want to be so self focused anymore. I want to enjoy the life that is offered to me

Sunday, February 26, 2006

copying stef

Books I am currently reading...

Hurt, Chap Clark
This book is SO good about the world of teenagers. The book goes through different layers of a high school student's life to try ad explain why they think and live the way they do. It's really informative and really interesting.

Falling in Love with Jesus
I LOVE THIS BOOK. Every time I read it I feel more loved than I ever have in my life.

Love's Executioner, Irvin Yalom
I saw this book in Stef's car because she has to read it for her conseling class, so I thought I would buy it and read it. It's reaaaaaaallllllly good too - it's different examples of how psychotherapy got to the root of some people's problems.

Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austin
I want to be Elizabeth Bennet. That's all I am going to say about that book! Oh and the movie comes out in like 2 days on DVD, which I shouldn't buy it because I have no money - but seriously, it's Mr. Darcy.

Velvet Elvis, Rob Bell
I think that Rob Bell has a window to my soul. Everything he says I am just like, you are amazing. I read this once before but I avoided parts of it cause I wasn't ready to deal with some of the stuff he talked about. I am reading it again so that I can really dissect stuff. I have this problem when I read something that I claim it as absolute truth - I don't want to discount what Bell talks about, but I also want to really think it through and not let my emotions get the best of me! So, I made one of my intellectual friends read it so that we can later discuss.

Chronicles of Narnia
I think I read The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe when I was in second grade or something, but I kinda feel like it's not developmentally appropriate! So I am reading through the series. I think I am on Prince Caspian. I am just obsessed with C.S.

Books I want to read...

Mere Christianity
I want to read through this book again because I read it years ago. I feel like I would get moer out of it than when I read it earlier in my life.

The Red Tent
We did this study on Abraham last fall and I really want to read this book because I think it's a historical fiction book about Sarah. It was such a good study. I am sad it's over!

Saturday, February 25, 2006


so i'm in spinning class today. somedays i LOVE spinning class and some days i feel like i am in my own personal hell. spinning = biking, not like ring around the rosey. today was one of the days that i loved it. i kind of have to be in the mood to workout and if i'm not there is no way it'll be good. but here's what i realized in spinning today. sometimes its better to go through the motions to get back on track then it is to not do it at all.

i am debating this thought in my head still. is it better to go through the motions? when i'm struggling with wanting to hang out with kids is it better to do it anyways or to reschedule? when i'm struggling with wanting to spend time reading the bible, is it better to do it anyways or wait until i'm in the mood? when i'm REALLY not in the mood to work out, should i buck up and get to the gym anyways? i think (and i may change my mind in a minute) it might be better to jsut do it. i know that God desires mercy, not sacrifice and acknowledging him, not our offerings (or something like that) BUT i have come to find that when i do stop whining about how i don't feel like doing something and actually do it, i am usually more blessed than i could ever have imagined. and even though i started out going through the motions, i don't always end my time feeling like i just went through the motions.

i kind of feel like i am rambling, but as i am writing this i am still wrestling this out in my head. thoughts?

Friday, February 24, 2006

what have i gotten myself into?

ok so here is my attempt...
everyday i look SO forward to checking my email (yes i am addicted), checking my bank account (not really excited about that, but have to do it to make sure there is funds in there), and reading people's blogs. I'm kind of addicted to reading blogs actually....I LOVE to hear people's thoughts on everything. It is part of my routine that I check sean michael murphy's blog
because i think that he is one of the wisest people that I know and he might be the person that I am the most teachable to. I also always check steve fuller's blog because he always commented on sean's so i started checking his and its realllllllllly good. The funny thing is i have never met steve, but i feel like i know him cause of the blogging and sean murph says he is amazing. Then you always have to check stef shaffer's because she puts funny pics of her dog that used to be mine and she has some fun stuff to talk about.
So in saying all of this, i've been wanting to write a blog but i have hesistated for months. Here's the thing. everyday i think, what would i blog about? nothing that interesting happens in my life. but the thing is interesting stuff does happen. god does some cool stuff. i think about weird things. so why not just hash it all out in writing. i suck at journaling, so maybe i'll try this so that i can go back and read about this time in my life sometime in the future - cause it's always fun to see where you've been. another reason why i didn't want to write in a blog is because a lot of the stuff that i want to write about is about other people - so i don't want them to read it and get offended or something. but stef told me to just write about what i learn from them, not about them. which is a good idea because why the heck should i be talking about them anways!
also - i work for young life and substitute teach. when i am teaching, (i only teach secondary) i watch a lot of videos and the kids work on a lot of packets. so i dont have to do much. let's be honest - i do nothing, so i thought it would be fun to start blogging ( i kind of hate the word blog) while i am subbing, so that i dont go insane.
so here is my attempt at the blogging world. i am excited and hopefully i can do it daily and hopefully i can see the funny things that happen in life and relay them to all of you...
here is my attempt...