you're beautiful

Something I've been realizing about people and especially about myself is that we don't understand the magnitude as to how much God loves us.
Last weekend I was at Jill's wedding and two specific things caught my attention. This was sort of bad because I am already mega-emotional at weddings and then these things got in my head and wouldn't leave - causing more emotion than the norm...
1) Jill's grandparents. They might have been one of the most purest expressions of love that I have ever seen. Her grandpa in his pale purple suitcoat, looking so proud of his granddaughter and loving his wife so much all over again was amazing to watch. His wife was in a wheelchair and was a fragile little grandma and the way that he moved her from the wheelchair to the pew and back was just so compassionate. He never made it look like it was hard for him - he never made it look like he didn't want to do it - in fact it was the complete opposite - he seemed delighted to do it. And it was great to watch him just rub her hand during the ceremony, seemingly probably remembering their day like this 50 years earlier. I want that.

2) My favorite thing to do is watch the groom as the bride is walking down the aisle. I love it. I love watching their face go from shining to brighter to trying to hold back tears to not caring that the tears fall. I love how their eyes just lock on their bride and are totally unaware of everything else in their world. It was fun to watch them stand up there together and profess their love in front of so many people that they love and care about and that love and care about them. I became obsessed with the idea that Zach chose Jill. He chose her because of the way that he loves her. He chose her because she completes him. He will continue to choose her until the day that he dies. Jill is confident in his love for her. That day she wasn't worried or even remotely doubted that he didn't love her. She was beautiful because she knew that his love for her was real.

Why can't we, or I guess I should just say I, be confident in God's love for us like that? What's the hold up? Why the doubt? Everyday we are bombarded with lies of the world and it is just so frustrating. God chooses us. God loves us more than we can even begin to understand. We are valuable - so valuable that he gave up his most precious thing. I know that sounds soooo cliche right now, but I feel like I need to keep repeating it and repeating it so that it starts to sink in or something.

So my dilemma at hand is that I KNOW the love is there - I just can't seem to let it in or something.