intensity

I think that I got the senior superlative for most laid back. If I didn't get it, I was up there, and someone who smoked pot all the time got it. I mean is that even a discussion?

My question is...what happened to that girl? One of my friends (whom I love and respect a TON) told me I was intense - like off the scale intense. And I've been stressed out about it ever since. So since Friday I've been 'soul searching' trying to figure out who I am, who I've become, blah blah blah.

Those statements alone make me sound intense.

I feel like I still can be one of the most laid back people on the planet - when I get in a car wreck, I dont really care. If I break my cell phone, I dont lose any sleep over it. If I am lost, I just drive around until I get unlost. If one of my friends really hurts my feelings, I am pretty easy to forgive.

But right now I am on overload. I feel intense. I feel stressed out all the time. I feel like I can never get it all done. I feel like I can never make everyone happy. I feel like I want everyone to love me to pieces, so I have to do everything I can to make sure I know them and I am known by them.

What the heck is that? That is not a way to live.

I got to be with one of my dear friends for like 2 hours tonight and it was just awesome. No planned agenda. No feeling like I needed to be anything. I just needed to be right there loving her and allowing her to love me. That was not intense.

I want to have those moments with Jesus all the time. Just being and allowing him to love me. This song just softens my heart about this and it is currently my song of the week...here's the chorus:

Sweetly Broken
At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered