what's going on

I just love my friends. I love every single one of them. They attest every day why God has created us to live in relationship. I dont learn as well without them...I dont process as well without them...and I just dont know what I'd do without them.

I feel like the last month or so has been so nutty. I have been in complete avoidance in everything in my life...EXTREMELY self-absorbed...extremely not even sure what is going on. I'll forget something in literally one second cause I'll start thinking about something else and I dont think that I've shopped this much for awhile...showing some pattern of avoidance that I have had for awhile. I've cried over the most random things...aka, an onstar commercial on the radio - a little girl was on the onstar thing crying because her dad was hurt and she didn't know what to do and I literally started crying. I have gotten near ill about just life stuff...broken relationships I've heard about, stories about hurting and broken lives, my little kids dealing with stuff that I've never even realized...
Its just insane. And for awhile I thought it was because I had been praying lately just to have more compassion. To feel more empathetically - like to actually feel the way the person is feeling. I thought that if I could get there a little bit more then I would be a little less self-absorbed. Trust me when I say I am NO where close.
Tonight I was talking to one of my BFF's of life and we were just talking through the crap that has been so consuming lately. Something that I NEVER realized before is how God uses the junk in our life to show us stuff about him and about ourselves. For example....
Why am I crying over the onstar commercial?
Why did I cry over Fuller's post on the Brass A
Why do I have dreams about my second grade kiddies
I think its not necessarily that God is changing my heart to be more compassionate (which he probably is, but that's not the whole story) BUT I think it's God trying to show me something about the deeper issues in my life. When I'm doing crappy with stuff and when I really need to work on stuff, I think EVERYTHING in my life gets off. My emotions get out of whack, my schedule gets out of whack, I can't think straight.
What is happening? I just dont know sometimes. and I kinda feel weird blogging about this, but it helps me process when I write and again, it helps me process when I get to have conversations about it later....so thanks!