i feel like...

Monday, October 16, 2006

so....

Im back to the blogging world. I dont know why I haven't written anything. I've heard some great things that I thought - that would be cool to blog about. I've had some great conversations in the last few weeks that would have been cool to blog about too. So I dont know what my problem is. I feel like my life has been in autopilot mode for way too long. One of my friends was kinda upset with me and she said, "I really want to hear what's going with your life...what you're thinking about...what you're worried about...what's you're excited about." And I kinda felt really shallow because I have shut down a lot of stuff. There really wasn't a ton for me to tell her about. I felt like in PA I gave every ounce of what I had to give of myself. Moving to Cincy I thought that it would be great for me to take a break from giving anything. So I feel like I went to this autopilot mode where life became all about me. My agenda, my timing, my life. I kinda hate it. I've gotten over the fact that Im not a horrible person because Im not in some organized ministry or leading a set bible study. But, I just am trying to figure out what life looks like now. Living by yourself is not fun because it makes me the most selfish human being on the planet. I also have been the most selfabsorbed friend ever. Sorry if you are friends with me and its been all about me for the last few months.
Tonight Aaron was talking about how something in his life needed to be broken and he finally realized it was himself. I just have been thinking about this a lot lately. I think my days of autopilot are over. I think God is about to bust my a and I am kinda nervous. I think he let me have my days of rest. He let me live selfishly for a few months. He allowed me to not feel about stuff and now I'm just freaked out. I have been praying that he will break my selfishness. That he'll break my idleness. That he'll give me so much more compassion for the people that I love in my life. I know he can do it and I have a feeling he's going to start doing it. So if I start crying all the time, dont worry about that - it's just me learning stuff that I need to learn and feeling things that I need to feel.

7 Comments:

  • At 9:37 AM, Blogger Liz said…

    but you already cry all the time... :)

     
  • At 9:54 AM, Blogger Bragg said…

    ...it's just me learning stuff that I need to learn and feeling things that I need to feel.

    those are good things. I think the biggest growth and development is born from the agony of change.

    And I've found that God generally won't allow Autopilot to remain on for long periods of time. Autopilot is reserved for airplanes and ships. An it still has to be monitored and maintained by the pilot. So, if Jesus is your co-pilot, you need to change seats...

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    I was almost able to be serious about that last part...

     
  • At 10:05 AM, Blogger Liz said…

    i wish cars had auto pilot, then i wouldn't get in "near accidents" nearly every day :(

     
  • At 11:00 AM, Blogger Bragg said…

    No! Cars with Autopilot = bad idea. Too many people would become more careless than they already are! Boo cars on autopilot.

     
  • At 11:23 AM, Blogger Liz said…

    think of all that extra time for sleeping...i mean reading the bible:)
    and isn't it great that God speaks through our friends sometimes to get our attention too? we think we're going along just fine and bam! a close friend alerts us to the fact we aren't at all. So even when we aren't listening as closely as God wants us to, He finds other ways to grab us and re-direct...exciting to see how this will all play out!

     
  • At 12:11 PM, Blogger jmjana said…

    liz feel free to kick my a anytime!
    bragg, love the cheese on the co-pilot
    I feel like we should time out on work and go phang out...um...NOW

     
  • At 5:53 PM, Blogger Dan Z said…

    My thoughts the last few weeks have been centered on auto-pilot being a bad thing. Life is too short to stay on auto-pilot for more than a few miles. You can’t race hard while you are on auto-pilot…and unless you race hard, you can’t “run the race in such a way that you will win the prize.”

    Sorry I keep missing your calls. I will get a hold of you soon…this week has been nuts.
    Your message last night was awesome. I can’t wait to catch up.

     

Post a Comment

<< Home