red lights

I'm trying to decide if red lights are bad. Sometimes I love them. I drive a stick shift car and I am ALWAYS running late, so they are usually really good because they allow me to put my makeup on in the morning, eat my breakfast, and talk on the phone, because I am not having to shift. But they are also really annoying because like I said, I am ALWAYS late...so the red lights don't help the problem. But some days they are literally the only thing that makes me stop and gives me time to think. I have the greatest friends in the world. They allow me to call them in between things I have to do. I hate that I do that...but sometimes its the only time I have to call them. It's always when I am driving. Because driving is my free time, red lights are like extra free time! So maybe they can be really good...

I kinda feel like my life is at a red light. I think I've figured out what I want to do. I want to teach high school kids. Not because I am passionate about math, not because I am passionate about school districts, but because I am extremely passionate about high school kids. I get to teach them for a month starting tomorrow. I am so excited. I just want to be that person that they can come to...I want to be that teacher that cares about their lives outside of quizzes and AP tests...I want to love them differently and cause them to wonder what's different. I just love them so much! But I think eventually I want to teach high school kids somewhere in Ohio. Maybe not next year...maybe not in 5 years...but someday I want to teach them in Ohio. Ohio is one of my fave places of life. I LOVE Altoona - but differently. I love Altoona for the people that I've gotten to love, but I love Ohio because I am more me there. I'm not really sure why I am, but I am. But I can't teach high school there yet. I have to go back to school. I have to go back to school for a long time. That also costs lots of money so I have to find a job that pays for that school. Now I know that that job will not be where my heart is, but its a pause to get me to where I want my heart to be. I have to do it in order to teach in OH. I'm just trying to figure out if this pause, or this red light is going to be good for me or not. I feel like it might be. I get to seek God. I get to seek him big time. I get to love people deeply. I get to be involved in lives that are way different than mine. I know that God knows what he is doing...I just need to remember that. It's SOOOOOOOOO much easier said than done. But he's really good. I don't want to run through this red light. I don't want to take advantage for what God's going to do at this pause. He's good. I know that. He's going to use the next few years of my life as an end in themselves - not just as a means to an end.
I hate that this post has about one million I's in it. I don't want this to be all about me...I want this to be about God doing cool stuff if we just stop and realize it. Seek his face. Let him love you.

I'm going to be a high schooler again...
Jonny Lang, Red Light

You sing a song
While sitting at a red light
You think of home
While sitting at a red light

Too slow to roll
Put your life on hold
An open path
With nowhere to go
You start to wonder
While sitting at a red light

You can run a red light
Give up at a red light
You break the mold
When running through the tolls
Speeding through your whole life

A chance to breathe
While sitting at a red light
You look around
reflecting on your life

A chance to think
Am I drinkning too much
Should I keep going
Lose the life that I love
A second glance
When coming to a red light

You can run a red light
Give up at a red light
You break the mold
When running through the tolls
Speeding through your whole life

When things look low
You've gotta keep stong
Feet to the grass
You've gotta walk it off
The bows been tied
Too tight to laugh
Feet to the ground
You've gotta walk it off

You can run a red light
You can run a red light

Start to think
Am I drinkning too much
Should I keep going
Lose the life that I love

You can run a red light
Give up at a red light
You break the mold
When running through the tolls
Speeding through your whole life

You can run a red light
Give up at a red light
You break the mold
When running through the tolls
Speeding through your whole life

You can run a red light
You can run a red light

You sing a song
While sitting at a red light