true colors

I've been thinking a lot about who we really are as people. Not who we are on our blogs, not who we are in our church, not who we are to our family or friends, but who we really are as people. I've always said that if you put all the people in my life together than you'll see the true me. Not a ton of people know everything about me, but all my friends/coworkers/family/people on the street combined probably could get a pretty good picture. Not that I am inauthentic (is that a word) or something, but you just are diff around different people. Am I off base?

My friend's Grandma is in a nursing home because she has alzheimers. My friend was telling me when her grandma first started getting sick she went back to some of her previous thoughts on things in life. Like, she started being racist and she started being really anal about certain things. Before she was sick she wasn't these things at all, but when she got sick, I wonder if her true colors showed, or if it was the disease distorting things. I don't know enough about Alzheimer's to know for sure - and her grandma is an awesome lady, by the way.

A dear girl Abby was in a really bad car accident a few years ago. She was in a coma for awhile, had some brain damage, and is still on the way towards recovery - but seems to be doing awesome. What is really cool is really quickly after she woke up, when other parts of her personality weren't there, she was still really excited about Jesus. She was concerned with whether or not the nurses knew Christ and her passion shined through what the accident had done to her body. I love that even though major parts of her body were recovering, she still had Jesus in her core and that wasn't going to change.

I guess my question is what's in your core. IfI get old and show signs of alzheimers, what are people going to say about me? Is Jesus so far infused into who I am that if all other parts of my personality disappear if I get in a car wreck, will people still know I love him? I sure as heck hope so.

My friend Elliot describes our cores as "our clocks." Who are you really down at the core? Who are you when everyone in your life combined puts their image of you together? Who are you when you are by yourself? Can you ever really be known? This stuff is just soooooooo interesting to me. I LOVE knowing people and I love the process behind becoming known.

I love that God knows. I love that he created the depths of my soul and knows me better than I know myself. That thought used to kind of freak me out - but now I just am so comforted by it.