i give myself an d--

SO...
I'm so sorry that I haven't updated lately - for all of you who care so deeply. It is just so dissapointing when someone doesn't update their blog for a few days because it's one of the highlights of my day to read a new post. It's sooooooooo great to see a new little writing by some very wise and funny people. It's kinda like when you go to the mailbox and see if you have any personal mail, or when you used to sign onto aol and the beautiful words, You've Got Mail rang loud and clear. I guess blogs aren't personal messages to me, but alas, a girl can dream, can't she?

So, I haven't updated for a few days because my life is intense. Once again, I selfishly feel like no one else's life could be this busy, but I am sure they are just as, if not more so, busy than I am. Excuses, excuses. I am subbing until the end of the year in one of the math classes at Altoona High. Its really great, but I forgot how much CRAP you have to do as a full time teacher. Being a straight up sub is awesome - no lesson plans, no papers to grade, etc. But teaching SUCKS sometimes. I have not been able to catch up at all! Hence, why I can't blog during my prep period anymore.

I kind of feel like I am a really bad teacher. I would actually give myself a d-. I"m not totally failing, but I fee like I am barely keeping my head above water and at any second I'm going under. Here are a few highlights of my last week:

a) I decided to give my honors kids half of a period to do whatever. Bad idea. They were crazy, all over the place, loud, etc., but I was totally not paying attention because I was trying to catch up on crap, and the principal walked in. Sweet. I got yelled at along with the kids and was told we need to have a conference later. I don't deal well with getting in trouble. I wanted to throw up and burst into tears right that minute. I tried to go talk to her, but she was out, so I emailed her, she emailed me back and said meet me in my office at 7:30 monday morning. Sweet again. I get to live with the fear of disappointing someone and losing my job all weekend. All is ok now, though.

b) I told one of my students (who was sucking on a sucker) to shut up and just suck because I would rather him suck on something than talk. Not a good choice of words. He proceded to continually ask what I wanted him to suck on. Then he said he didn't want to do the oral exercises we were about to do. That was awesome too.

c) The sucker kid came to club for the first time last night. Which was totally awesome! Its just SOOOOOOOO weird for me when the teacher/yougn life leader lines cross. It's like I'm Miss Orwig for a minute, them I'm Jana. Weird. So I was telling my story of becoming a Christian for the talk last night - which includes a lot of drugs, alcohol and boys, which is fine as Young Life Jana, but weird as Miss Orwig. So I'm interested to see how Sucker Boy reacts in class today. He also asked why class couldn't be more like Young Life because my math class sucks.

d) I taught the most BORING math lesson EVER today. I was bored teaching it, so the kids have got to be bored listening to me. I've never been bored when I was the one talking before, but it was SOOOOOOOO boring. I'm getting bored just thinking about it.

e) My lower level kids took a test yesterday on all that I have been teaching them since I have been in. I think 95% of them got a 50% or lower. That is great. I am not the best math teacher.

So, the question of the day is....do I want to spend $10,000 and bring more debt into a marriage by going back to school to do something that I am just not that good at?
Heres what's kind of fun. Last night I got to tell some of the kids I'm with everyday how much Jesus loves them and how he can change their lives for eternity. That's pretty sweet.