being known

Its interesting to think about how much people don't know about you. Moving causes me to realize how much people dont know about me. I think the people that might know the most about me are my parents because they've been around the longest, but then also my college roomates know probably too much :) But lots of my friends that I've either just met and some who I have known forever don't know ALL the stories.

Some of you might not know that I used to lick the icing off of my brothers birthday cake when we were little...that I thought my parents were getting a divorce when my dad said he was promoted...that I broke my arm my senior year in high school sliding into homeplate...that I used to have nightmares that I was attacked all the time...that I get really scared a night time and its not fun to live by yourself...that I love mint chocolate chip ice cream...I also love homemade chex mix...that I love fresh flowers...that I thought I was going to marry the people I dated in high school...you dont know any of the stories that come with the guys I dated in high school...that I hate throwing up...that I get sick at the sight of blood and almost passed out an online training course dealing with blood born pathogens...that I really want to have babies and a family...that I am really scared about being a bad teacher...that I am really scared about being alone my whole life...that I was jealous of my best friend Alissa because of how much everyone loved her...that there was a point in our lives that Stef and I couldn't stand each other...that I yelled F YOU at her because I was so mad but just said the letter not the word - not as good as an effect...that I used to get really close to people and then stop being their friend once I was their best friend...that I dont deal with death really well and Ive lost too many young people that I have loved...that I love pictures because I love to relive the memories and wish they could happen again...that in fourth grade I lied about being a Christian so that I didn't have to pray the prayer with my camp counselor...that my third grade sunday school teacher really showed me more about Jesus than I realized...that my seventh grade sunday school teachers loved me and I always babysat their kids, then one day I went over there smelling like smoke and I never babysat for them again...that in 11th grade Liz and I got suspended from the volleyball team because someone saw us smoking...that same week I totaled my car and I got caught cheating...that in 10th grade my best friend's boyfriend cheated on her with me and I told her about it on her birthday...that I thought I would marry Kirk Cameron or Zak Morris at some point in my life..that Stef and I used to record ourselves singing the theme song of Growing Pains...that I had a crush on Zak Basch in 2nd grade and know he's a drug dealer...that the people I am the most comfortable with are older than me and I have a thing against dating younger guys...that I really want to be known by someone fully and I want them to still love me more than possible.

If you put together each time period of my life and all the people of my life, then you'll know everything about me. But you know how you just want that ONE person that knows it all? And that's what is so fun about the initial stages of dating because you get to tell all those stories and when you go on long car trips you get to crack up at how they used to cry over baseball games and laugh about garbage pail kids and when you go out to dinner you get to hear about how their family celebrates Christmas and all the traditions that you'll want to carry on for them. Is that too much to ask for? God, I love that you know it all - its so comforting and I feel so loved...its just so fun to share it with someone else too.