stages of grief
So I am currently coming out of the denial stage.
The strangest thing I have experienced in a long time is the fact that I have not been crying all week. If you know me even like a little, you know I cry at everything. EVERYTHING. Its sort of ridiculous. And all week, I've had breakfast, lunch, dinner or some sort of going away thing for me with some amazing people that I have loved, invested in or was fed by for the past three years. And I haven't cried. In fact, I haven't really been close to crying. I thought something was wrong with me - Im broken or something - I am numb to any kind of emotion.
But I currently have noticed that I am going through stages of grief - Im not broken - in that way atleast
The past three days I have been in the denial stage - not caring because I'm not actually doing this - Im not diving into some weird new place, job, friendship, community...
When I said bye to my boss/bffae/friend tonight I came out of that stage very quickly. Now I can't go back and I might have a slight freakout here pretty soon.
I guess there's something in this that I can learn about me. I guess there's something in this that I can learn about Jesus...Im not quite sure because of how much my head is spinning -
I just REALLY want the resolution stage to come pretty quickly. Want to help me out with that?
The strangest thing I have experienced in a long time is the fact that I have not been crying all week. If you know me even like a little, you know I cry at everything. EVERYTHING. Its sort of ridiculous. And all week, I've had breakfast, lunch, dinner or some sort of going away thing for me with some amazing people that I have loved, invested in or was fed by for the past three years. And I haven't cried. In fact, I haven't really been close to crying. I thought something was wrong with me - Im broken or something - I am numb to any kind of emotion.
But I currently have noticed that I am going through stages of grief - Im not broken - in that way atleast
The past three days I have been in the denial stage - not caring because I'm not actually doing this - Im not diving into some weird new place, job, friendship, community...
When I said bye to my boss/bffae/friend tonight I came out of that stage very quickly. Now I can't go back and I might have a slight freakout here pretty soon.
I guess there's something in this that I can learn about me. I guess there's something in this that I can learn about Jesus...Im not quite sure because of how much my head is spinning -
I just REALLY want the resolution stage to come pretty quickly. Want to help me out with that?
posted by jmjana @ 11:00 PM
5 Comments:
At 12:09 AM,
Anonymous said…
if it gives you hope, I'm STILL processing the idea that I left Lafayette... and it's been over three years.
So, quick resolution? Maybe. But probably not.
But it's a good thing, I think.
At 1:53 PM,
Anonymous said…
J- that does surprise me a lot that you're not crying. Who gave you the analysis of your current stage? Is stef already practicing counceling? you leaving altoona means you'll be less than 2 hrs from me in columbus. yahoo for that.
At 12:03 AM,
jmjana said…
mike,
that doesn't give me hope - why aren't you back there?
selfishly, i think you need to stay for atleast like a week so we can actually hang out -
i feel like me living cincy (three years ago) is like you leaving lafayette - and im coming back. i guess that resolution never came. so im preparing for it to not come again. what is God saying to me in that?
ash - will you be my friend and meet me for coffee? i just think you are amazing
At 9:20 AM,
Anonymous said…
nothing that I miss is there, anymore.
And I'm pretty much good with where I am, now. no place I'd rather be. maybe indianapolis, but probably not.
At 12:42 PM,
jmjana said…
mike,
just stay in cincy
life is good there.
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