i feel like...

HERE WE GO STEELERS! HERE WE GO!

2009-01-18T22:26:00.001-05:00

bring it on baby. bring it on. and now presenting the champions of the XLIII Super Bowl...

because my blog seems to only be used for bday wishes...

2008-10-22T23:09:00.002-04:00

AND because i love jill minks

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JILLY WILLY!

the thing is...these pics are way old. i think they were taken before she even met her hubby minkster, and they've been married 2 years +!

we need some updated pics jilly!

but i still love you! a lot. and i am so thankful for your friendship!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAPPY DAY OF CELEBRATING YOU!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEFFY!!!

2008-10-08T22:22:00.003-04:00

Happy Birthday to my forever friend :)

number 3 reason why its amazing to be a teacher

2008-09-14T22:49:00.001-04:00

number 1 reason: summer

number 2 reason: snow days

number 3 reason: power-outage days. number 3 might need to be bumped to number 2 because its SWEET when you have power and your life isn't threatened by the icy roads, and you dont have to work!

Why do I ever complain about this job?

goodbye summer :(

2008-08-26T08:02:00.003-04:00

here's to no more pool visits, sleeping in and free time

here's to cute 7 year olds who I will grow to love :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

2008-08-07T09:00:00.000-04:00

You know how when you meet someone and you just know you'll be friends for life?

These two peeps will 100% be my friends for life. Im not sure what I would do without them. They love me and challenge me and will always be there for me.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIRLS!!!!!!

Summer Is...

2008-07-24T10:08:00.005-04:00

tanglewood cottage

sun beach sand ferry boat ride

mackinac island

going over the bridge. ($6) buys you all the fun in the world

keyhole bar. not kidding. literally 30,000 keys or keychains. everywhere.

($13 bar tab)

"knot home" sarah's boat name would be "rum runner" my boat name would be "summer is..."

($50,000 for a boat - aka we will never own one)

wind blown on the boat.

($23 boat ride)

flying fish = summer. this was our view at dinner at the pink pony.

($20 hamburgers and sweet potato fries)

jana and sarah.

($50 rum runners, extra shots, and souvenir cups)

windemere hotel. token tourist shot. (where we were going to stay if we missed the ferry)
($260 per night with a view)

i mean, really?

(more money than in the world)

night on mackinac island. priceless.

2nd fave person on earth

2008-06-19T14:51:00.002-04:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SMM!

I hope you have the greatest birthday ever and that you enjoy your bday among the most stressful week of your job!

you are da bomb dig.

fave person on earth

2008-06-01T01:52:00.001-04:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANNABELLE MURPHY!!!

YOU are one of my favorite people of life, and I'm not quite sure what I would do without you.
I love that I've stalked you, followed you to different states, hung out with your fam, told you all the junk in my life, and that I've been blessed with being friends with YOU!

Love you girl.

reader's digest

2008-05-15T07:14:00.001-04:00

The best way to be in any relationship is to think of love as a verb, not just a feeling.

life.

2008-05-05T00:20:00.002-04:00

Today I was trying to find something I wrote in my blog a few months ago (which wasn't that hard, cause its been a while since I've written anything) and it made me want to go back and read stuff that I wrote. So, I got home from Justin's, got in bed, and just started reading. I only read through like four months and stopped in August 2006, so Im no where close to being done, but it was really interesting.

A LOT can happen in a pretty short time. And I forget parts of my life really easily, which I'm sure has some deeper meaning. Sawah Woche thinks that I have a pot smoker's brain because I forget everything, and I am thinking she is on the right track after reading through my thoughts and realizing that I forgot about a lot of the stuff that happened in the past few years.

Its really interesting to me how much situations and people change too. At the beginning of my blog writing days, I lived in Altoona. Altoona seems like an eternity ago and it was really only like a year and a half. I didn't have a job in Cincy - I have a great job. A lot of posts were about being single and dating and marriage and all that, which I had no clue about any of it, and have now learned a ton in dating this great guy and having this really great relationship. I still have a lot of the same questions about what it really means to love God and glorify him, but I'd like to think that I have matured in some of that as well.

Im not sure what the point in this post is. I guess Im just all thrown off because of how life is different, yet parts are the same, and how life can change so quickly, but not at all as well.

What I do love is that I am still crazy in love with the people that I wrote about in the past, AND I am crazy in love with some pretty incredible newbies as well. Life is definitely pretty cool in that sense.

Cornell

2008-05-03T09:27:00.003-04:00

Today is the day.

I have three incredible roommates. INCREDIBLE. I had incredible roommates in college as well. I think I am extremely blessed with the roommate situation. Living with women can be pretty intense, but I feel like we have had MINIMAL issues of what could have been since living together for a year. Here's the only problems we've had:

a) The shower. I suck at waking up, so occasionally (aka every other day) I need to beg liz to take a shower really fast because her getting back from the gym has just awoken me. Note that my three alarms that were set 45, 30 and 15 minutes earlier did not do anything. She is gracious, for sure.

b) The Underwear-eating dog. Im not going to say much about this, cause you get the picture. But, I seriously feel like people dont even care that this happens, its more a running joke of where we are at in the count. Who doesn't have 40 pairs of underwear - you can spare a few

c) Kitchen cleaning/food stealing. This is SO not an issue, but it is an annoyance, and because we are so low on issues, I feel that I need to address the annoyance. We all aren't the cleanest people in the world, or the richest, so it comes down to some missing granola bars and some pans with egg stuck in them every once in awhile.

I saw all this to say that I am SUPER grateful to have these women in my life. Its hard to live with people who you are actually living with and sharing life with. It's hard to live in community where people know your stuff, you know theirs and you still love them and allow them to love you. That can get really messy sometimes - but notice that wasn't one of the "issues."

So. Today is the day that we clean every square inch of our house. I'm ok with this occurring once per year and living in subpar cleanliness the rest of the time. Because lets face it, living and loving and enjoying three of my favorite people in the world is way more important than dishes in the sink and a dusty house.

a haiku

2008-05-02T08:15:00.000-04:00

pancakes and bacon

original pancake house

oh, how i love thee

Summer.

2008-04-18T18:24:00.002-04:00

Top Ten most incredible things about summer:

10. No school (this includes no summer school)

9. No children (love them. but not right now.)

8. No lesson plans (or the thought of lesson plans that need to be prepared as you are driving into work)

7. No grading (can you tell i dont love my job?)

6. No field trips (can you tell we've had two field trips this week? )

5. Reading good books (that don't deal with state standards or benchmarks)

4. Sitting by the pool (doing nothing)

3. Having every day be the weekend (HOLLA! stop complaining, because you did choose your profession)

2. Walking around barefoot in the grass and on the patio (hopefully Leah won't have to perform any more foot surgeries to get splinters out)

1. Liking teaching and children again (im sure this will pass this weekend...lets hope so!)

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

2008-03-17T12:27:00.002-04:00

There's just nothing like a Happy St. Patrick's Day greeting than from someone like good ole Sponge Bob. Happy St. Patrick's Day!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PEGGER!

2008-02-05T09:48:00.000-05:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE GREATEST AUNT EVER!!!

LOVE YOU PEGGER :)

I Miss This Girl

2008-01-28T21:24:00.000-05:00

Want this.

2007-11-21T09:16:00.000-05:00

So my friend Doug Shell spoke at D'Vine last week (he was incredible) and I am currently obsessed with this quote. I think that Donald Miller describes community and communion like this in Blue Like Jazz and I was obsessed in college...and this picture has entered back into my mind...I love true community.

... Jesus, having symbolically overturned the whole social order, gave us a new social order through the last supper, in the symbolic form of communion.

Through Jesus, the early Christians discovered the secret of community. We know well from the history of the early church that this is so. But since we ourselves have mostly lost the secret, we do not realize the power that it once had... Generally, they did not have to lift a finger to evangelize. Someone would be walking down a back alley in Corinth or Ephesus and would see a group of people sitting together talking about the strangest things- something about a man and a tree and an empty tomb. What they were talking about made no sense to an onlooker. but there was something about the way they spoke to one another, about the way they cried together, the way they touched one another that was strangely appealing. It gave off the scent of love. The onlooker would start to drift farther down the alley, only to be pulled back to this little group like a bee to a flower.

Im not saying that I feel like its not important to "evangelize" - whatever that means for you...I'm just loving the picture of people being so drawn to a group of people and the way that they love each other that they can't help but want to be a part of what makes it so great.

So in saying that, I need to say that I am SO thankful for all the amazing people in my life and for how they have shown me Jesus on a daily basis...how they have loved me into loving him more...how they have made it so that our relationship is strangely appealing and that people want in on our secret...love you

Happy First Day of School!

2007-08-28T07:51:00.001-04:00

Here's to the second year of 8-year olds invading my life, my thoughts, my dreams, my everything for the next 9 months....

And this is the ONLY time my room will every look like this again :)
Goobye summer!!

it's coming back

2007-08-14T17:38:00.000-04:00

Duh.

Remember that word? It's awesome. And it's coming back.
And yes, Marsha, it's worthy of a blog post. And this company thinks it's awesome too.

When I was in second grade I wrote in my diary that I was so mad at my cousin because she had "no duh" in her vocabulary (I think that was a bit of displaced anger and I really was mad because she just beat me in a race). How could I have been so clueless?

Don't resist. Just join the bandwagon...everyone who's anyone is doing it.

2007-08-13T14:05:00.001-04:00

I'm taking the bus to the barber

2007-08-09T06:47:00.001-04:00

I am still thinking about the fall and the start of football. I get really excited thinking about Sunday night football. I will again get to spend my nights with The Bus. The only thing better than that is spending it with The Bus and Tiki Barber. What could be more visually pleasing?

A picture is worth 1000 words.

2007-08-08T23:31:00.000-04:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY FAVE TWINS!

2007-08-07T23:14:00.000-04:00

Besides Arnold and Danny, these twins are my fave by far!
AND it's their BIRTHDAY!

I am so thankful for these girlies! Both of them are two of the best friends I have ever had. Is it weird I sort of with I was their sister too?! Love you girls.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KATE B AND LIZZY B!

My Mea Culpa

2007-07-26T16:09:00.000-04:00

I owe a gigantic apology to my friend. I have made fun of her for an entire year for watching and loving So You Think You Can Dance. This post isn't to defend that show and its fabulousity but to say that I was wrong. I have since begun to watch this show and I will shout it from the mountaintops...I LOVE THAT SHOW! I love Dominic and Sara and Pasha and Neil and Lauren. I love them all. On Wednesday nights there is nothing I want to do more than watch the dance. I love the dance. I dream in dance. I practice the dance. Thursday nights are harder because I must say goodbye one of my new dancing friends. This post is to say I am sorry, so very sorry. I will not make fun of or speak poorly of So You Think You Can Dance again. In fact, I have ordered 2 SYTYCD t-shirts, one for me and one for you.

And PS...I thought the Crocodile Hunter was cute and had a celeb crush. I know you are thinking, "Seriously?" but I really did. I loved the monocromaticiousness.

What I did on my summer vacation...

2007-07-24T18:30:00.001-04:00

stuff

2007-07-11T13:39:00.000-04:00

Just know that lots will be coming about Colombia, but there is a LOT of processing that needs to happen and I'm sort of in a refusal mode of allowing that to happen.
I'm not quite sure what that is about.
I feel like my life in Cincinnati thus far has been a year of protection. I'm not quite sure why or where that all started from, but it has been a year of me putting up walls, not allowing myself to feel things and in turn making me miss out on life.
I dont know if its fully a defense I have to not get hurt or a reaction to something else or just life happening but it's something.
I get to go away this weekend to one of my faveorite places on earth. Things keep coming up that I want to do, but I am standing firm and making myself leave. It will definitely be a weekend full of reading, journaling (which I dont love) and processing in my long car ride.
There will definitely be Harry Potter because I need to have some sort of avoidance as well. I wouldn't be me without distraction. Im just praying that I can pull myself into real time with Jesus and let him transform me or atleast begin to do some stuff in my heart.

can't wait!

2007-06-28T23:29:00.000-04:00

In 48 hours I'll be in Bogota, Colombia. How fun is that?
And I'll be hanging out with some of the coolest kids ever. Be prepared to hear multiple stories and to see some pretty stinking cute faces.

Here's a little info about where I'll be
http://www.childrenofcolombia.net/luz.html

Have a great 10 days!

Why it's AWESOME to be a girl

2007-06-27T13:44:00.000-04:00

1. You get special treatement at Advanced Auto Parts...aka, the men put the part in your car for free AND clean up AND call you honey the whole time while doing it
2. Every man in Auto Parts makes you feel like you are Miss America
3. You get free drinks while out to dinner with friends...something under the name of 'Birthday Treat' - which who cares when it's a minus on your bill
4. You get the number of hot mexican waiters who in one night makes more than double what I make in a week
5. You get cheaper car insuranace...this doesn't really apply to me, but most women do
6. Your summer school kids make you pipe cleaner jewelry
7. Guys give you the full body raft to lay on at the pool
8. You get paid $50 by Seek Research to answer questions for 25 minutes about bottled water!

life is good...Hapy Summer!

awesome.

2007-06-26T08:48:00.001-04:00

This was on a church sign I just read on my way to summer school:

"If your religion is not getting you to church, then it's not taking you to heaven."

Seriously?

i LOVE kristen robbins

2007-06-13T09:53:00.001-04:00

Go read this post
She's amazing

http://akindoflibrary.blogspot.com/2007/06/in-remembrance-of-nineties.html

i wish

2007-06-05T23:57:00.000-04:00

I wish I could write a whole blog in spanish. I just tried but it didn't make any sense, and I was the one that wrote it!
Anyone want to give me free lessons?

that friend

2007-06-03T10:21:00.000-04:00

You know that friend that talks about themself all the time? Or that friend that calls people back but dominates conversation about some stupid drama in their life, that's not really drama at all? Or that friend that while you are talking about something going on in your life, they somehow turn it back on them? You could be talking about being pregnant - your friend has never been pregnant and somehow you start talking about them being pregnant. It's like they can't stop. The world revolves around them and nothing else matters. They might listen to you for a second, but in their brain they are thinking about how this affects them.

Sound familiar at all?

I have become THAT friend. And I am so so sorry. I need a dog.

to my fave person on her BIRTHDAY!

2007-06-01T00:00:00.000-04:00

This is dedicated to one of my BEST friends of life...

She's the best wife, mom, daughter, niece, minivan driver, pedicure - getter, chipotle eater, and friend that I've ever seen!

She's one of those friends who is a day-to-day friend and a life long friend, and I'm not quite sure I could love her more than I do. She has shown me so much about Jesus and love and I don't know what I'd do without her!!

So with that...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANNABELLE MURPHY!!!!

Ray LaMontagne and Damien Rice

2007-05-29T20:44:00.001-04:00

Props to Kev Jamison. LOVE this. Thanks Kev!

FAVES of Memorial Day Weekend!

2007-05-28T10:38:00.000-04:00

(in no particular order!)

1. Sarah's BIRTHDAAAAAAAAAAAAY (and all that that entails...)
2. Taste of Cincy (x2)
2.b. Seeing Over the Rhine for FREE for 3 minutes and getting to hang out with a two year old
3. Marsha's birthday and fun festivities!
4. Buying 104 books for $29
5. REDS game - and meeting Blind Doug, Sweaty Brian and Quiet John AND seeing Kelly :)
6. D'Vine and good friends afterwards - who always bail you out and never make you feel weird about it :)
7. Pride and Prejudice AND How to Lose a Guy
8. Miamisburg Pool Opening day!! (minus the junior high kids who made me want to come up with an invention to rid a teenager of hormones)
8.b. The best hamburgers I've even eaten with the best friends
9. KICKBALL! (and being kinda sore today)
10. NO SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What a fun weekend! This might rank in my top 2 favorite weekends of 2007!

In the Sun

2007-05-22T18:54:00.001-04:00

I didn't really watch the video, but this song is my all time favorite.
AKA...song of the month

I'll let you know what it's doing in my heart when I figure it out

you choose

2007-05-21T00:00:00.000-04:00

I love the movie The Wedding Date. The characters are very poorly developed, there isn't that intriguing of a plot, it's fairly predictable, but I love it. I think I love it because of some of the quotes in it. One of the quotes that sort of gets to me and that I've been thinking about a lot this weekend is when Debra Messing reads a quote that her male escort reported in a magazine:

"You choose what you want your love life to be."

And Debra Messing responds with, you think I WANT to be like this - bitter and angry and depressed??? And the male escort says "Yes."

I really have been analyzing that. Do we choose the way we want our love lives to be? Is it really not fate or destiny or something controlled by the stars? Is it a conscious choice that we make? Or is it some invisible defense mechanism that sometimes we don't even realize or see or even know.

When Stef and I were freshman in college we used to go to all these group meetings and activities and every cool, attractive, Christian guy we would see, we would refer to as our husbands. It was a bit immature looking back on it, but those were definite words that came out of our mouths and thoughts that occured in our heads.

This weekend I met my friend Amulya's boyfriend who was VERY cool. He asked me why I wasn't dating anyone and why I was still single. I was a bit thrown off by the question. (Let me just note that this guy asked WAY more questions than I have ever asked and that wasn't that weird of a question in context.) I didn't really have an answer for him and I've been sort of thinking about it ever since.

I had some pretty intense relationships in the past that I used to think were holding me back now. But they were in the loooong past. I used to think I was single so I could learn independence and so when I met a guy I wouldn't be dependent on him in an unhealthy way. I'm going on a few years of independence! I also used to think that I had to "fix" myself so that I would be someone that someone else could desire. Then I went on to thinking that I had to be doing "something" in order to get noticed. Or I was always just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Or the right place at the wrong time. Or something like that.

I have now come to the conclusion that I don't have any of the answers. None of the things that I just mentioned seem to make sense and I'm not convinced that any of them are actual truth. I'm wondering if I'm choosing this in some unconscious/defense mechanism/scared to risk kind of way. Or if I just haven't met him yet. Or if I'm not going to meet him ever.

Can someone find a crystal ball or something? My brain is starting to hurt.

what a brain can do

2007-05-15T22:46:00.000-04:00

It's amazing what your brain is capable of doing

This weekend I saw a newspaper article saying people got killed because of an in-air collision. I immediately thought of my friend, the Braggster, and of course texted him, just to make sure. But, he didn't text back, so I call him later. No answer. And he doesn't call back. Then I text my friend Rose, ask if she's talked to Bragg, and also text Bragg again. Both of them of course think I am TOTALLY neurotic, but my brain just went crazy and went through every scenario possible.

Your brain can cause you to think of the most repulsive things, which I also happened to me this weekend. Your brain can somehow rationalize almost any action/thought to your moral self. It's amazing. And it's such a slippery slope. How do you stop it?

As Im sitting here there is a HORRIBLE storm outside my door. My neighbors have a windchime (which I HATE) and its making me go crazy. I literally feel like there is a mini tornado outside. Of course, my brain goes crazy and I immediately imagine myself in my bathtub in tornado position, imagining what it would be like in the midst of a tornado. I freak myself out beyond any logical thought.

It's insane. I know it's stoppable. I just hate that it gets out of control so fast!

can life get better?

2007-05-07T22:57:00.000-04:00

I love my job.

a) Friday we went to the Children's museum in downtown Cincy. SO fun. No rocks were thrown at our bus, so that was a plus!
b) Tomorrow going to Miami U. Not quite sure what that's about, but we're outside Miami's campus all day doing science-y stuff, so I'm sure that will be awesome!
c) REDS game tomorrow night!!!! I love that people in my school want to go out on a school night and that we get to go see the REDS for cheap!
d) We get to go outside and read books, go on a hike and look for living/nonliving things and it is all included in the curriculum.
e) We ate pink cake for snack today.

for Katy and TJ and Peter Parker

2007-05-05T12:31:00.000-04:00

If you haven't see the movie...go see it. Now. It's good...
here's a little review of it from Lexis Nexis :)

"Spider-Man 3" is nothing if not eclectic, but somehow this ambitious mishmash works. Action-packed, with all the digital fireworks that a $250 million (or more) budget can buy, it's both the most grandiose chapter and the nuttiest. It's a love story in which Peter alienates the woman he loves and has to win back her trust. It's a Jekyll-and-Hyde battle for the soul of Spider-Man that turns on a dime from broad comedy into a quasi-religious parable about forgiveness and redemption. Even the scariest of the villains, like the malevolent Marko, turn out to have a redeeming human side. Let him who is without sin cast the first stone, implies this comic-book blockbuster. This is not the typical message of a kick-ass summer extravaganza, but Spider-Man has always swung to a different beat.

and
Just for KT - Sometimes, I feel like I have a black spidey suit on :)

Pinky

2007-04-27T06:34:00.000-04:00

I can't go to school today. I have pink eye. They sent me home at 1:00 yesterday. Awesome.

GOOD LUCK LIZZY!

2007-04-24T21:22:00.000-04:00

Go wish LIZ good luck on her job interview today!!!!

Knock them dead girl!

Here she is on the day she became Lizzy B., Esq!

my life needs to be made into a movie

2007-04-24T21:21:00.001-04:00

I dropped my cell phone in a pitcher of Kool-Aid.
No, not the 6 year old, 2 year old or 10 month old I was with. ME. I did it. and it's sticky and gross and keeps leaking Kool-Aid.
It's also very tempermental. So if I dont call you back, I REALLY DO have an excuse!!!

Does it ever stop!??

Can life get better?

2007-04-20T23:02:00.001-04:00

The Office and JT - this might be the best thing ever!

i miss you

2007-04-18T00:12:00.000-04:00

When are you moving back?

i feel sick.

2007-04-16T23:00:00.000-04:00

I've been sitting here for the last 2 hours reading every article on MSN and CNN and VT.edu and I can't really handle this.
I don't really know what to blog about this but I just dont get it. I dont get what goes so wrong in someone's brain that causes this stuff to happen. I dont get how our brains shut down so much that we can remain calm through this. Every piece I've listened to, even by students that were in the room with gunmen seem like they are talking about the weather - and not because they are heartless but because they are in such shock.
This is sick. My heart just hurts

10 things I LOVE about PA

2007-04-15T23:46:00.000-04:00

1. Steelers fans everywhere. Everywhere. It's just so nice to see that some people have good taste.
2. Sheetz Shmuffins and St. Drogo coffee shop's parfaits
3. Whatever that new mall area is called with a Barnes and Noble (of course it opened the weekend after I moved to ohio)
4. Puppy dogs that get excited to see you even if it's been 7 months
5. Conversations over really good organic breakfast that Tiff makes :)
6. My friends having BABIES!!!!
7. Having GREAT conversations about life and love and everything in between with some of my favorite people on this earth.
8. High school girls who really dont know how much I love them :)
9. Seeing that God does stuff without me and despite all that I think, he really doesn't need me - although he still let me be a part of some really cool stuff.
10. The fact that it still hurts my heart to pull away and that I love OH, but will always have a place to go in La Toona!

A Severe Mercy

2007-04-10T10:01:00.000-04:00

Reason #1998 I love being a teacher: I get to read books on my spring break that I have been wanting to read for years :)

This little part is from A Severe Mercy - if you haven't read it - do it. Guys too. You'll love it.

On emotions...
He had been one to despise emotions: girls were emotional, girls were weak, emotions-tears-were weakness. But this morning he was thinking tha being a great brain in a tower, nothing but a brain, wouldn't be that much fun. No excitement, no dog to love, no joy in the blue sky-no feelings at all. But feelings-feelings are emotions! He was suddenly overwhelmed by the revelation that what makes life worth living is, precisely, the emotions. But, then-this was awful!-maybe girls with their tears and laughter were getting more out of life. Shattering! He checked himself: showing one's emotions was not the thing: having them was. Still he was dizzy with the revelation. What is beauty that something that is responded to with emotion? Courage, at least partly, is emotional. All the splendour of life. But if the best of life is, in fact, emotional, then one wanted the highest, purest emotions: and that meant joy. Joy was the highest. How did one find joy? In books it seemed to be found in love - a great love...
But in the books again, great joy through love seemed to always go hand in hand with frightful pain. Still, he thought, looking out across the meadow, still, the joy would be worth the pain - if indeed, they went together. If there were a choice-and he suspected there was-a choice between, on the one hand, the heights and the depths and, on the other hand some sort of safe, cautious middle way, he, for one, here and now chose the heights and depths.

I just can't help but think that reading this is not coincidental with what's happening in my life and in some of my friends lives right now. I choose the heights and depths, but what a heavy and scary as crap choice.

Dom's Day - A Stop Motion Adventure

2007-04-09T23:21:00.001-04:00

This is SO fun! It's like 18,000 pics, put together for a movie...
it's worth the watch :)

ps. Go watch The Holiday if you haven't seen it. Love it.

love this.

2007-04-09T00:31:00.000-04:00

Romans 6:8-11
Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him. The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God. In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus

(Thanks Ashy:)

this might get long and make no sense.

2007-04-06T22:16:00.000-04:00

My friend Sean, gave my friend Dan a car when we were in college. On the windshield was this stuff called Rain-X. You put it on your windshield and supposedly it repels the rain and you don't need to use your wipers. I think I messed it up because I used the wipers when I was driving that non-power steering car. But you get the idea - Rain-X repels rain. The rain hits the windshield and bounces right off.

so, I think I have RainX on.

I'm not sure what it looks like, and I'm not sure how it got there, but it's there. I've had some pretty significant experiences in the last 8 months, specifically in the last 4. I've heard some amazing sermons. I've had some amazing conversations. I've went to some amazing conferences. I've been a part of a few meetings that just make me come alive. I've cried about a bunch of different things - some ligit and some because of the OnStar commercial on the radio in the morning.

But none of that has mattered. These experiences last with me for a day, a few days at most, and then I'm done with them. It's like I forget they even happened.

I surround my life with chaos. Chaos because my car insurance is tripling in a month. Chaos because I stress myself out continuously with the lives of my kids at school. Chaos because the way I handle money is ridiculous. Chaos because the way that I live allows "only jana" things to happen.
It's like I am in self-destruct mode. My life forces me to deal with all the here and now instead of the heart of the matter.

I hear something or talk with someone about things that make my heart ache. I feel a little bit of something that I used to feel, and then it's gone again. I turn off my radio and really think through what I just heard, but I don't allow it to permeate my soul.

I don't think it's coincidental that the quote "The glory of God is man fully alive" keeps coming in my brain. It's like God is whispering it to me every second of every day. But I keep drowning it out with the chaos of life. I keep everything so noisy, so I dont really have to deal.

The RainX comes out in full force.

I need some windshield wipers to come and start messing up the RainX. It needs to get off me. I want to experience life the way that it was meant to be experienced. I want be fully alive and glorify God with everything that's in me.

I'm just crazy scared to see what that looks like. I feel like the implications of that are huge and its going to cause me to work through things that I've worked so hard at avoiding. And the thing that is crazy is I dont even really know what those things are!

God, show me you, show me myself...but only give it to me in bite size pieces that I can handle.

I hate today because of what our sin and crap did to Jesus. I love today because of the freedom that we get to have in our lives. I love Sunday because it represents new life and defeating something that is so much bigger than me. The power that raised Jesus is exciting and scary as crap.

But that power is real and we get to see it. We get to experience it.

i love ohio

2007-04-02T00:00:00.000-04:00

GO BUCKS!!!!!

GO REDS!!!!

Sanjaya - Weekend Update

2007-04-01T02:25:00.001-04:00

This is courtesy of Annie Murphy!

my life :)

2007-03-27T12:10:00.000-04:00

So one of my cute little 8 year olds came in today and his lips were tightly sealed. He walked in, didn't say anything adn walked over to the paper bin and got a piece of paper out. He went to his desk and wrote "I am colorblind." I was like, "What?! Did you go to the doctor or something? How do you know?"
He got another piece of paper and said, "I just know."
I was pretty confused, so I kept asking him questions about it and finally he started laughing and was like, "I'm the kid on Little Miss Sunshine!"
Now, why an 8 year old is watching that movie, I'm not sure, but I CRACKED UP laughing.

I have some pretty fun kids. And I get paid to spend the day with them.

PS HAPPY ANNIVERSARY SEAN AND ANNIE!!!!!!!!

Peg Wonderful

2007-03-26T23:47:00.000-04:00

Go to this website
This girl is the BEST! and I just love to be around her :)
If you want to read a good book you can buy it at her website too
AND
she puts great pictures of cool girls like this on her website:

I have the best friends

2007-03-25T22:25:00.000-04:00

So somehow I lost my car keys tonight. Like lost for good. NO clue where they are.

But I have the BEST friends ever. My friends really are great. They scoured the whole church building, called some other friends to see if they had accidentally picked up my keys, let me watch He-Man, gave direcs to the tow truck guy, made me laugh about stuff and just were awesome.

I had great intentions of posting something meaningful, but that'll have to wait...I needed to pay a little blog tribute to these great people!

I have a serious problem

2007-03-16T00:32:00.000-04:00

I love this guy. Bad.
And I used to make fun of him. But now I am hooked.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MINKS!!!

2007-03-15T00:29:00.000-04:00

I'm not sure I could have a greater guy, for what feels like a brother in law - and I say that cause I love his wife so much!
Everyone needs to know and love Scott Minke because he's the greatest guy on the planet :)

I hope you had the GREATEST birthday ever ever!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SCOOTER!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEVE!!!

2007-03-12T00:00:00.000-04:00

Here's a little tribute to my friend Steve!
Make sure you tell him HAPPY BIRTHDAY cause he's 30 TODAY!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

I need this song to be about me someday...

2007-03-05T00:45:00.000-05:00

Trouble...
Trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble
Trouble been doggin' my soul since the day I was born
Worry...
Worry, worry, worry, worry
Worry just will not seem to leave my mind alone
We'll I've been...
saved by a woman
I've been...
saved by a woman
I've been...
saved by a woman
She won't let me go
She won't let me go now
She won't let me go
She won't let me go now

Trouble...
Oh, trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble
Feels like every time I get back on my feet
she come around and knock me down again
Worry...
Oh, worry, worry, worry, worry
Sometimes I swear it feels like this worry is my only friend
We'll I've been saved...
by a woman
I've been saved...
by a woman
I've been saved...
by a woman
She won't let me go
She won't let me go now
She won't let me go
She won't let me go now

Oh..., Ahhhh....
Ohhhh
She good to me now
She gave me love and affection
She good tell me now
She gave me love and affection
I Said I love her
Yes I love her
I said I love her
I said I love...
She good to me now
She's good to me
She's good to me

Trouble, Ray Lamontage

awesome.

2007-03-01T16:47:00.000-05:00

SPRING IS COMING!!!
I just heard thunder. Liz told me it was thundering and lightning this morning - that kind of stuff doesn't happen in the winter.

How exciting. I need flipflops, pool visits, running outside without 4 layers, and taking my kiddies outside for class. And no one gets sick in spring! Its against the rules of nature :)

sicky

2007-02-27T20:12:00.000-05:00

I have strep throat. And I'm sad about it. And I need the world to care about me.

Is this maybe my way of being forced to stop? Perhaps. But I wish it didn't feel so bad.

I hope SO bad that if I have been around you the last few days I didn't get you sick - I am SO sorry if I did!

shut down

2007-02-25T22:47:00.000-05:00

So I have had a great week. I feel like I have SO much to process through and I'm really scared that my brain my shut down soon because it's getting on overload. Let me just tell you about some of the greatness I have experienced in less than 7 days:

1) Went to NYC with one of my bff's to see another bff from college. I am not sure I could love these two more than I do and the conversations that we have just encourage me and make me feel so loved. I need to process through a lot of stuff that we talked about. We also went to church there on Sunday night and the sermon just struck a chord that just excited me to think about.

2) Had some great convos with Lizzy B this week as well - it seems that she thinks parallel to me a lot of times - does that make sense? Just love that we are on the same wavelength.

3) All the first year teachers in Butler County had to go to this dinner/speaker thing on Thursday. We heard this motivational speaker lady who was extremely cheesy, but actually AWESOME. I got teared up a few times, but it made me just realize stuff about me.

4) Had a long overdue conversation with another bff that made me realize different things about me and my life and my way of relating with others and with God.

5) Got to spend a GREAT day on Saturday with some of my fave girls (minus my all time fave girl) at a Beth Moore conference. Beth has big hair and a totally different sense of style then anyone I have ever seen and she calls everyone precious, and baby, and sister, but I LOVE her. There was a lot that she said that I was like, man...that's going to take some time to grasp. I love being with people that have the same brain as me and I love experiencing stuff like that with great people.

6) Heard a great sermon by a great guy that was a great reminder of how much God loves me...its sort of inconceivable.

There is just a lot to go through. I need a month - I probably need a year or a lifetime. I will definitely take a day. Will you ask me in a week if I've set a day? Cause I don't want to shut down. I don't want to let this stuff go...I do that too much.
I know that ALL of these things are related...I know its not coincidental. Its just a lot. It's overwhelming me and I'm on the verge of shutdown.

really?

2007-02-21T12:03:00.001-05:00

Another snow day? Seriously?

Gov. will you please say, don't worry about it? I can't give up any summer sun.

I just need summer.

amazing.

2007-02-15T20:53:00.000-05:00

So as much as I am not loving being home from school and not able to do much, I saw one of the most AMAZING things ever today. So the snow sort of redeemed itself.
I was driving with one of my fave people on the planet (I am SO glad I was the passenger, not the driver) and I got to see a field of trees that were covered with ice. It was gorgeous. I love Christmas lights and this was WAY better than Christmas lights.

If you haven't seen these trees, you need to drive around 5pm, near trees, into the sunlight, and see how great it is. This pic doesn't do it justice.

really?

2007-02-15T07:09:00.000-05:00

I have another snow day today and I'm kinda....
bored.

What's up with that?

But I am PUMPED because this weekend I get to spend in NYC with two of my fave peeople on the planet! Can't wait :)

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

2007-02-14T10:43:00.000-05:00

Happy Valentine's Day!
I love you guys :)

What about that?

2007-02-13T18:35:00.000-05:00

There is this show on tv right now called What About Brian? I dont love it, but I find myself still DVRing it every week. And I LOVE the opening song and the 30 seconds that they show all the people that play all the characters...I dont really know what that's called. I despise watching the opening credits and listening to every other show's "song." (Exception: Growing Pains)

Today I watched only the opening credits. Like twice. What is that? The song is something like, "Calling all friends..." and I want to find it on Itunes. The show reminds me a little bit like a Friends where these people have been best friends forever and their whole lives include each other. I LOVE THAT.

But I struggle with that because of how bad I want it. But then I get concerned that I make things "cliquey" because I want that community. So I'm in this debate of cliqueness, I guess. How do we establish real community - beyond surface, and beyond discussion of just the day to day? I've got that with some people in my life and I am not sure what I would do without them.

But how do we create real friendships with a group of people without excluding others? And how do we include everyone without keeping everything at the surface? I once again kinda want heaven. It just is.

show me that smile

2007-02-05T23:31:00.000-05:00

So about one year and two days ago I was in Colorado with two of my best friends, Stef and Jill at a Young Life training conference. There was this rule in training that if your cell phone went off in class then you had to stand up on your chair and sing a song for 60 seconds. I LOVE karaoke, but in a room with 200 YL people is not a good karaoke audience, especially if its acapella. So Stef, being the awesome friend that she is, stole my phone FROM MY HOTEL ROOM, put my ringer on high, planted the phone in my coat poacket and called my phone in the middle of class. I turned it off fast enough the first time, almost threw up cause I got so nervous, then reamed Stef after class. Too bad the next day she did it again, but hid my phone so I couldn't turn it off fast enough. She's awesome. So I look like an idiot trying to get her to stand up and sing with me while she's like, What? It's not my phone. I didn't know what to do.

Last night I was watching the Super Bowl with some great friends and I started thinking about where I was a year ago watching the best game ever :) I was in an airport on the way home from Colorado, not even thinking about moving. I was set in staying in Altoona for 4 years and this year would have been my fourth. But Im in Cincy. I love it. I love my life. I love my friends, I love my job, I love my life.
I miss Altoona. I miss the girlies, I miss sharing a large diet Coke at the movies, I miss belting out Kelly, I miss Lucky dog, I miss planning for club and screaming browneyed girl with a bunch of high schoolers. I miss that.

Life is so funny. If you asked me a year and 2 days ago where I would have been I wouldn't have said Cincy. That happened later.

I was eating dinner tonight with my Mexican buddy Sarah and we were discussing why I moved here. Its sort of weird cause it was out of the blue and somewhat random but its what I felt was right.

I just can't imagine not knowing or not loving or not wanting to hang out every second with my friends that can fly planes, or my friends that run lots of miles, or my friends that can't drive, or my friends that speak such truth in my life, or my friends that have sick pix msgs sent to me and that I visit Alfredo with, or my friends that have CUTE kids and awesome aunts, or my friends with great hair that moved, or my friends with great hair that didn't move, or my friends who I just love. I wouldn't trade that for the world.

I love that I have gotten to go to high school with amazing people, lived and loved with amazing people in college, worked at the most beautiful place on the planet over one summer, lived in LaToona and made some of the best friends of life, and now it just stays awesome.

I love how well God knows me. Lots can happen in a year.

gw

2007-01-31T22:56:00.000-05:00

I love Good Will Hunting. Love it.

I love Will. I love Skyla. I love Chuckie. I love Shawn. I love Jerry.

I love the part when Will meets Skyla in a bar.
I love the part when Shawn and Will are sitting on the park bench discussing experience.
I love the part when Shawn is talking about meeting his wife and missing the world series game.
I love the "it's not your fault" part.

I love everything about it.
If you haven't seen it...you MUST do so this weekend. It's my only request :)

snow delays, praxis 3, and free movies

2007-01-30T23:25:00.000-05:00

Being a teacher has its perks and its crazy annoyances

Monday was one of the most stressful days of my life because I had to get observed by this state person to see if I could get my "real" license. I had some AWESOME friends that came and helped me clean my room and make it look like a new room! Everything ended up being fine and totally not as big as a deal as I was making it (surprise, surprise).

It's sort of ridiculous how stressed out I got about it actually. There are such bigger things in life. SUCH bigger things...and these things are surfacing themselves like crazy in my life lately.

On Friday night, my friend Sarah and I got to see Freedom Writers for free. Because we are teachers, we got a free ticket to go see the movie down in Newport. It was a really good movie - a bit Dangerous Mindsish, but good and would recommend it - especially as a rental.

One of the lines in the movie was when Hilary Swank was really getting down on her life. Her marraige was falling apart, the kids were going crazy, and she wasn't getting anywhere with the administration. Her dad was sitting with her and he said, "Honey, I'm proud of you. You have been blessed with a burden."

You have been blessed with a burden. That sentence really hit me and I think I told Sarah in the middle of the movie that Im blogging about that. But I dont really know what I want to say about it.

It's interesting to see what people's "burdens" or passions are. I feel like it comes out in their jobs, in their families, in their everyday actions and words. I dont always feel that my burdens are blessings. But I think they are...

They bring out what gets us moving
They bring out what makes us feel alive
They help us grow
They get us out of bed in the morning
They motivate the things we do on a daily basis

So what's your burden? What have you felt called to/led to...What do you feel totally passionate about? What are you blessed with?

things

2007-01-19T00:00:00.000-05:00

Things that make me laugh:

1. Michael Scott, Dwight Schrute, and Jim Halpert
2. Conversations with Sean and Annie Michael Murphy and phone calls from Pegger
3. Hanging out with Sarah and Ammers, my college roomates in the nook, and remembering stuff
4. The kiddies in my class
5. Steve Fuller's blog comments

Things that make me cry:

1. The Notebook, You've Got Mail, Shawshank Redemption, Little Miss Sunshine, Pride and Prejudice...maybe any movie I watch
2. Long drives with the right song on
3. Peoples' stories - maybe good kind of cry and maybe heartache kind of cry
4. The kiddies in my class
5. Seeing babies - that's a good kind of cry

songs

2007-01-18T23:44:00.001-05:00

Go download:

Love Will Come Through, Travis

Set the Fire to the Third Bar, Coldplay

When Soul Meets Body, Death Cab for Cutie

There Goes the Fear, Doves

the great sin

2007-01-15T23:12:00.000-05:00

I feel like the last few weeks I have been a crazy person. I get big time on the defense if someone judges my character or if I feel like they think something that's not true about me or I freak out when people see me mess up. I can't let things drop and I dwell on everything. I haven't been able to figure out what my deal is. I think its come down to the fact that my pride's been shot. My true colors have shown themselves.

Like 5 years ago Sean had us read "The Great Sin" chapter in Mere Christianity for leadership. That night it kicked my butt. I remember going home and reading that chapter in my book and highlighting the heck out of it. I read it again a few years later and double underlined some stuff. Last night I went to read it again and the same stuff that I underlined 5 years ago is still a HUGE problem for me. This is a never ending battle. This is always something we're going to deal with.

Here's some cool stuff from the chapter that is highlighted, underlined, and currently kicking my butt...

There is one vice of which no man in the world is free...pride

Pride leads to every other vice: it is the complete anti-God state of mind

In God you come up against something which is in every respect immeasurably superior to yourself. Unless you know God as that and therefore know yourself as nothing in comparison - you do not know God at all. As long as you are proud you cannot know God.

The real test of being in the presence of God is that you either forget about yourself altogether or see yourself as a small dirty object. It is better to forget about yourself altogether.

The man who is truly humble will not be thinking about humility: he will not be thinking about himself at all.

and my favorite:

The point is, God wants you to know Him: wants to give you Himself. And he and you are two things of such a kind that if you really get into any kind of touch with Him you will, in fact, be humble - delightedly humble, feeling the infinite relief of having for once got rid of all the silly nonsense about your own dignity which has made you restless and unhappy all your life.

is anything cuter???

2007-01-13T18:53:00.000-05:00

I mean seriously

Is anything in life better than this????

I stole this from Stef - go read her blog

2007-01-11T23:18:00.000-05:00

This explains a lot...

"Hope awakens desire that takes us into war- so we try to kill our desires."

So what do we do with that?

You know me. You don't mind waiting.
You just can't show me, but God I'm praying,
That you'll find me, and that you'll see me,
That you run and never tire.
Desire
Ryan Adams

boys and girls

2007-01-10T23:11:00.000-05:00

Boys and girls are so different. SO different. And the older I get the more I realize how different we are.

The other day I was saying to someone, I dont think we're really that different. I told the person that I think I sort of get guys and I think that I can explain myself and women in general to a guy.

Really?

That might be the most ridiculous statement I have ever made. I am starting to be ok with not knowing. I think that's part of the fun of life. But I also want to sort of know. I just wonder if we can.

One of the things that I LOVE about God is we can see him in a man and in a woman. I think this is my motivation for wanting to understand men. There are parts of a man that show parts of God for who he is. There are parts of a woman that show a different face of God. I want to know both. But can I? Outside of heaven...outside of marriage can I know both sides?

And how the heck does all that work?

bigger than me

2007-01-08T00:42:00.000-05:00

I love stuff that's bigger than me.

I love the NFL. I love Ohio State football. I love being a part of a church or an organization that is doing such amazing things that I can't even believe that I get to be a part of it. I love that little babies are born to people who I love more than life.

I love that we get to be a part of all this. That we get to experience all these amazing things that we really dont have tons of control over and that sometimes can shape us for who we are and who we will become.

I got crazy anxious before Sunday's Bengals/Steelers rematch. I had nothing to do with the outcome. I couldn't score the points or coach the team...I just love getting all caught up in it. I am so excited for tomorrow's OSU game because how fun for a team to be so freaking good...and to continue to kick butt. I again have no control over that. I love that I get to be a part of a church that sees such a need for Jesus in a college community and in a rough part of town community. I just long to be a part of all these things that are so much bigger than me and my day to day life.

I got to see my best friend's baby girl today. What an amazing little girl and what an amazing family she's got. It's amazing how you instantly feel so much love for such a gorgeous girl the minute you see her.

I long for so much more than the here and now. I think that God created us to long for the things that are bigger than us. In reality, I think its us longing for him. There is just so much that I want to get, that I want to understand...but I think right now I just need to pay attention to these longings cause it helps me see Jesus a little more clearly.

babies

2007-01-04T23:22:00.000-05:00

My best friend is having a baby. On Sunday.
She's going to be a mommy and that is SO fun!!!

I just am so excited for her and I know she's going to be the best mom on the planet and her husband will be the best dad on the planet. (besides sean and annie, of course:)

I just needed to write a tribute blog to her because Im not sure I could love her more than I do. She just has had such an impact on my life and Im not sure what I would do without her.

I hate drama

2007-01-03T22:34:00.000-05:00

Yes, I am a girl. Yes, I do thrive in the "drama" that occurs in my life. Yes, I do create drama, probably daily.

But I hate drama. I hate it. I hate people being angry at each other, at me, and I hate being angry with people. And I can't sit in the drama. I need to deal with it immediately. So in turn I call everyone and their best friend and then I email the person and then I call them and say weird stuff and then just look like an idiot, all in the attempt to end any sort of drama.

As much as I say I hate drama, it seems that I might love it. I dont want to love it. I dont want to have anything to do with it. I just want to have fun, talk about Jesus and then think about what I should do at school tomorrow. Is that even possible?

I just wonder how much I could get accomplished using all the emotional energy I use towards drama. I could probably solve world peace if I could just direct my energies in a more productive way...

ps. I just counted 21 I's in this post - serious issues.

on relationships...

2006-12-28T18:39:00.000-05:00

Tonight I was watching Seinfeld with my bro and Jerry gave me a thought on life that I might not ever forget. Some girl saved his life and they went out and everything was alike about them...they ordered cereal at a restaurant, they have the same initials, same sense of humor, etc., etc. Here was his quote:

"I finally know what I've been looking for my whole life...myself! Im in love with myself! I have swept myself off of my feet!"

That is me. I get excited about guys when they have my same sense of humor, when they like football, when they love Jesus, when they don't care about money or bad driving, when they are laid back and able to engage in interesting conversations. Basically, when they are me in male form.

Sean used to ask me what my "list" was when I was in college. Basically what was essential to me in the guy I want to marry. In college it was, love Jesus, lead Young Life (preferably be on staff, and then on top of that be one of the greats) and then play guitar. Sean would then IN FRONT OF THE GUYS have me rate how they are compared to my list. It was awesome.

I think I'm done with that. I think there is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more to people than anything that I'll ever know and I just need to stop. I get in a zone in my head where I think this guy can't be prfect for me because he is nothing like me and that's not very fair. It's also not fair that I create who this guy might be in my head...basically who I want him to be. I want to enjoy people for who they are. Period. Who cares if they like bow-hunting? Who cares if they are shy in big groups? Who cares if they dress better than I do? That might be good for me, actually.

I think that I might just be done looking and analyzing. It's way too exhausting and emotionally expensive. Can life just be fun for a little bit and not complicated?

It's the most wonderful time of the year...

2006-12-25T12:12:00.000-05:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

HOTT

2006-12-20T07:22:00.000-05:00

i dont care what you've got

2006-12-17T21:31:00.000-05:00

I love Over the Rhine. I didn't 2 days ago. I hadn't listened to them until two days ago. My dear friends Dan and Julie love them and I made them come down and go to the concert with me. When you see someone in concert they are just awesome. And when you see it with people who already love it, it makes you love it. I listened to a few songs this week, so I sort of knew what to expect, and I think I've discovered some of the greatest lyrics of all time.

Saturday night was one of the most spiritual experiences I've had in a long time. It was amazing to talk about old memories and just be with some great people. I just got reminded of a lot of God moments and cool stuff that I forget too easily. And then to be able to listen to this beautiful voice sing about life and love and jesus was amazing.

This song is just resonating with me right now and Im not sure why. I feel like God's doing some stuff and Im interested to see where this goes.

Born
OTR

I was born to laugh
I learned to laugh through my tears
I was born to love
I'm gonna learn to love without fear

Pour me a glass of wine
Talk deep into the night
Who knows what we'll find

Intuition, deja vu
The Holy Ghost haunting you
Whatever you got
I don't mind

Put your elbows on the table
I'll listen long as I am able
There's nowhere I'd rather be

Secret fears, the supernatural
Thank God for this new laughter
Thank God the joke's on me

We've seen the landfill rainbow
We've seen the junkyard of love
Baby it's no place for you and me

I was born to laugh
I learned to laugh through my tears
I was born to love
I'm gonna learn to love without fear

My favorite part is the whatever you got, I don't mind. I dont want to mind whatever you've got. Who cares about your junk? Why do I immediately shut down because some part of a person annoys me?

I want to love without fear. What is there to be afraid of? Disappointment? Hurt? Embarrasment? What is it that blocks me from loving people the way we were created to love? I always see the junk. I always focus on the junk. I dont want to.

My prayer for my life is to love fearlessly...without any conditions, ulterior motivation, without letting the junk affect my image of people in my life.

Because seriously we've all got junk...even me

ps. peggy...sorry for all the questions :)

intensity

2006-12-11T21:18:00.000-05:00

I think that I got the senior superlative for most laid back. If I didn't get it, I was up there, and someone who smoked pot all the time got it. I mean is that even a discussion?

My question is...what happened to that girl? One of my friends (whom I love and respect a TON) told me I was intense - like off the scale intense. And I've been stressed out about it ever since. So since Friday I've been 'soul searching' trying to figure out who I am, who I've become, blah blah blah.

Those statements alone make me sound intense.

I feel like I still can be one of the most laid back people on the planet - when I get in a car wreck, I dont really care. If I break my cell phone, I dont lose any sleep over it. If I am lost, I just drive around until I get unlost. If one of my friends really hurts my feelings, I am pretty easy to forgive.

But right now I am on overload. I feel intense. I feel stressed out all the time. I feel like I can never get it all done. I feel like I can never make everyone happy. I feel like I want everyone to love me to pieces, so I have to do everything I can to make sure I know them and I am known by them.

What the heck is that? That is not a way to live.

I got to be with one of my dear friends for like 2 hours tonight and it was just awesome. No planned agenda. No feeling like I needed to be anything. I just needed to be right there loving her and allowing her to love me. That was not intense.

I want to have those moments with Jesus all the time. Just being and allowing him to love me. This song just softens my heart about this and it is currently my song of the week...here's the chorus:

Sweetly Broken
At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered

interesting...

2006-12-10T00:00:00.000-05:00

I just got back from hanging out with one of my friends tonight and we had a really interesting convo. We were talking about relationships and how crazy they can be and some of the best ones that we have seen. He said something really interesting that I guess I knew, but never really heard put into words before.

He said that all guys want is a girl that can bring them to a better place. He said that's really all they are looking for. A girl that can challenge them to be a better person and a girl that can encourage them. That's really all guys want? I KNOW there is more to it, but i sort of believe him when he says that.

I have seen a few relationships that this was so evident in. They are amazing to watch. Each person compliments the other so well and they bring out the best parts in each other. I really love that picture.

#1 REASON I LOVE TEACHING!!!

2006-12-07T08:43:00.000-05:00

When one hour delays go to SNOW DAYS!!!!!!!!

adventures with the '04 Focus

2006-12-07T08:23:00.001-05:00

1. The number one advantage of being a teacher (besides affecting lives of course) is that we get SNOW DELAYS!!!!

2. The number one disadvantage about me getting a snow delay is that I drive a Ford Focus. Let's just say it took me over an hour to get to school (normally 20 minutes)...I cried most of that hour because I went into not one, not two, but three ditches and somehow got out. One of the ditches already had a car in it that I just missed hitting. But after venturing out of the ditches I couldn't make it up this dinky little hill and literally backed up traffic for about 45 minutes. It was awesome.

3. Just a side note....you can still see grass, so obviously it didn't snow that hard. I can't wait for a blizzard. Maybe my car will total and I will do dances so I can get a new one

Who's got the best snow car? Want to trade?

two things I've been thinking about

2006-12-05T08:06:00.000-05:00

1. Annie wrote it perfectly in her blog about Christmas lights so go read it - http://anniemichaelmurphy.blogspot.com/
I love the minds and hearts of children. LOVE them. I think that's why I have loved teaching so much this year and why I dont mind baby puke on me :) They are so wonderful and ALWAYS straight up.

2. This is kinda weird, but I have LOVED watching the birds lately. I actually dont love birds, they freak me out, but its been fun to watch them fly around in their groups. There are seriously like 1,000 birds that will sit on the same tree, randomly get up and fly and somehow all know the same direction to go. They stick together like no other animal I have seen. After they fly around for a few minutes they go back to their tree or telephone wire or whatever, but they are always together.

I think this is why Where the Red Fern Grows is one of my all time favorite books. The two dogs can't survive with out each other. Dan gets killed trying to save his owner/friend and Little Ann dies a few days later basically from heartbreak. (sorry if you've never read the book) I love that picture. I don't feel like it's a weird dependency, but a deep and true love.

If you know me at all, you know that I love to be around people...it's almost torturous for me to be living by myself. I love the companionship I have with some of my friends. I seriously have the most amazing friends in the world and I am SO SO SO SO thankful for you guys :)

i have cool friends

2006-11-27T23:59:00.000-05:00

I have the best friends in the world. Katy and Liz and Annie and Sarah came over tonight and we ate dinner and laughed and decorated for Christmas!
Actually I sat on the couch and Annie and Liz decorated my tree and Katy baked cookies
How awesome is that?

They are so wonderful.

thankfulness

2006-11-23T10:57:00.000-05:00

One of my best friends of life asked me if I thought I was a thankful person last night. My first reaction was like, of course! But the more I thought about it, I dont think I am truly thankful for what I have - I take SO much for granted

So here is my attempt at being thankful...

Top Ten Things I am Thankful for this Thanksgiving:

10. I have a car to go where I need to go - even though daily I pray that it gets totaled by someone other than me and that I can get a new one

9. I got to live in PA when the Steelers were da bomb...I just wish I would have moved to Cincy last year so that my smack talking would have been backed up

8. I have tivo so that I don't have to miss my shows because I am hanging out with fun peeps

7. I live in an awesome location and I get the possibility of fun roomates next year (you know who you are :))

6. I laugh probably over 100 times a day and I normally cry only like 3 times and its usually cause its tears of joy

5. I have met and love all my blog friends that I didn't know a year ago except in blog world.

4. I am still in my pajamas and its 11:00am and I love the Tday parade :)

3. I have one of the best jobs on the planet. I am so thankful for all my little kiddies that make me laugh and cry daily.

2. I have had the most amazing friends during every stage of my life...high school, college, Saranac, Altoona, and now Cincy. You are all amazing and wonderful and I am SO thankful for you

1. I have the best family in the whole world. They love me and will forever be on my side

when harry met sally

2006-11-21T00:38:00.000-05:00

I was looking at some of Stef's pics and I found some super cute pictures.
It just made me miss her and I am SO excited to get to see her in 4 days!!!! I can't wait!
I found this picture and I just LOVED it.

I love these two little kiddies. They are best friends and LOVE to hang out with each other. They get crazy the whole day before they hang out because they are just so excited to play together. There is no weirdness, no underlying tension, no talk from anyone else...there is just pure friendship motivated by love.

When does this change?

When do we get to the point where girls and boys can't be friends without something else underlying that? I know in junior high girls and boys get cooties and you want to have nothing to do with them and then in high school you can't get off them. What is that?

I feel like I am just getting to the point in my life where I can be just friends with guys. Really? Cause I am 26. But seriously...Im not sure there was a guy that I had contact with that I wasn't like, hmmm...could I date them?

It's kind of fun because I feel like some of that has changed with me. I'm not sure what happened, but I really think that I can get to that point where Im like, they are really cool and be done with that thought then. Im not sure how or when or why that all changed, but I am so glad I can do that. I feel like I can have great conversations with guys and not think about all the things that I should have said. Or I can talk to them first and not feel weird or scared that they might think I have some crush on them or something.

So is it true??? Can girls and guys be friends like Maddie and Grif (cute kids above) or are we destined for some sort of tension? Is one always thinking about the other?

I'm just beginning to get to the point where the more I know...the more questions I have. It's not a fun place to be. Very thought provoking...but probably pretty annoying to be around cause I can't stop asking questions or thinking through stuff. ..
Why can't I just know everything in all the land :)

convos

2006-11-20T00:17:00.000-05:00

Im not sure there is anything more that I love in the world than good conversation. I CRAVE it when I dont have it and I get SO excited when I know its about to happen. Im so sad when it hasn't happened for awhile and I just wish I could be in constant conversation.

I just had some really great conversations this weekend and Im not sure what I would do without my friends. It is so so so so good for me to talk stuff outloud and for me to have word vomit and I just love that people allow me to do that. It helps me process and it encourages me to think deeper and it helps me come to some sort of conclusion. So thanks to all you great ones this weekend that I got to do that to and thanks for loving me and letting me be the most detailed talker on the planet.

ps. Thanks Katy for an AMAZING eating/laughing/talking night. You are the BEST!

crap online

2006-11-16T00:07:00.000-05:00

The words of Sarah Roche:
"You will be able to take a crap online here in a few years."
"You will also be able to have sex online...sh**...you can practically do it now
and it will take a digital picture and put it on your fing blog."
"Then it will say "Do you want a text message to your friend? Click yes or no."
"You can order marijuana seeds online...I'm not playing right now...I'll send you the website."

MY words while talking to Sarah:
It is amazing. You can shop for Christmas presents...check your driving record...pay all your bills in the world....stalk your neighbor...steal someone's identity! You can do anything!!!

You can buy a car...buy your groceries...get directions...I mean, what can't you do???

So the question of the day today is...

What CAN'T you do online?
Thoughts?

update

2006-11-15T09:44:00.000-05:00

I forgot to pull my emergency brake and my car decided to roll down the parking lot and hit other cars.
I started crying to the tow truck man.
I cried in front of my kids and they are all freaking out
I need to get married.

high school

2006-11-15T07:55:00.000-05:00

Every stage of my life I have LOVED. Ever since fourth grade, I had a feeling that every year from here on out will be better. (I had a rough incident with a turtleneck in fourth grade and was scarred for life *Katy)

What's awesome is that every single year since fourth grade I have loved my life more and more. In fifth grade I actually got friends and from then on out I kissed everyone's butt so that I could get in the sought after "ultra" group. Which was fun. (I do recognize that the only reason I was in is not based on my coolness, but on my butt kissing)

College was amazing - I had the most amazing roomates EVER! Im not sure anyone in the history of college has had more amazing roomates than I did. I loved my YL team that I lead with. I loved everything about it.

Altoona I loved as well. I didn't necessarily love the town (let's face it) but I LOVED the people. I LOVED the kids I worked with and I loved my boss and the leaders I worked with.

And now here we are. I LOVE my life now. I love the friends I've met and made...I love that I am SO close to Sean and Annie and Katy and Liz and Sarah. I love my kids in my classroom - more than I realized I would. I love it all.

What's funny is that I don't feel a TON different than I did back in fifth grade. I'm not quite sure that's a good thing. I definitely have learned so much about me and about God and about why I am the way I am. I've grown up in a ton of ways - but I have a ton of growing to do as well.

Today I'm sitting in my living room waiting for one of my co-workers to pick me up. My car is stuck at school - because its a piece and because this is what happens in my life - your car breaks down the night of parent teacher conferences when you are supposed to go home this weekend. It's cool though :)

I feel like I'm waiting for my ride to school. I'm wearing a sweatshirt and jeans and tennis shoes and I dont have makeup on cause I put it on in the car. I've become WAY more high maintenance than I was in high school and especially in college - but not to the point that I need a mirror to put on makeup.

So feeling like Im a high schooler this morning, I decided to tell you the top five reasons why I feel like Im still in high school and why I love that I'm not:

Top five reasons why I feel like Im still in high school:
5. Makeup on in the car
4. Sometimes hair drying in the car with the heater
3. I wake up late everyday
2. I want a dog more than anything
1. I want to be an ultra

Top five reasons why I love that I'm not:
5. I get along with my parents and love them tremendously
4. I don't have a curfew
3. Who cares if you're an ultra
2. No more double life...
1. I can buy a dog!!!

I just really hope God's not done growing me up yet. I feel like he's kicked my a this year, but its been SO good. Im just not sure I could have it better.

coop dawg

2006-11-12T23:43:00.000-05:00

One of the CUTEST kids in the world fell asleep on my arm today
There might not be anything better than a kid falling asleep on your arm and wanting to cuddle with you. Im actually positive that there isn't.

I LOVE that kids make you feel like a million bucks (or a rockstar as Neal would say) because they reach up and want YOU to pick them up and hold them. How great is that?

I would give anything if I could learn to love as easy and as authentic as an 18 month old.

experience

2006-11-08T22:26:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I really get ticked off at Christians.

It takes SO much for me to get mad at someone and its just so easy for me to get mad at Christians. And lately I just get so mad at myself for getting so mad at them.

If I see someone wearing an annoying tshirt that says something like, I am saved by a blood transfusion, or I see a Jesus fish eating a Darwin fish on a car, or I hear how someone led someone else to Christ I just go crazy. But what's my problem??

Why do I go SO crazy with that. Why can't I love them with the same compassion that I have for people who dont love Jesus. Why is it easy for me to love someone who's a jerk to me at the store versus someone sitting across a room from me? And the only reason its hard for me to love them is because I totally disagree with everything they are saying.

Since when did my way become right?

Since when did I know all that there is to know in the world about Jesus and life and love?

Last time I checked I had a loooooooooong way to go.

Tonight I was thinking about how experience shapes SO much of the way we live and even the way we love. SO much. For instance, my Christian friends that I get so annoyed with, have had some positive experiences with cheesy tshirts and randomly walking up to someone, giving them a flower and asking them if they need prayer. and that's ok. I have not had any experience like that, but that doesn't mean that its wrong. at all. I just have had different experiences.

The way that I am wired and through my experiences in life, I see more value in authentic relationship with people than in "big butter" jesus' and just serving someone one time. I think there is value in both...my experience has just made one more valuable than the other. But why is mine right? and why is it so hard for me to not judge and to actually love someone when they say things that annoy the crap out of me and are againsy what I think is right? I just dont know where the balance is between wisdom and accountability and then allowing differences in ways to do ministry. Where's the line? Who's experiences are more valuable?

fail forward

2006-10-30T00:25:00.000-05:00

What an incredibly hard and an incredibly awesome weekend. I heard a sermon this morning that may be one of the cornerstones of my life and then I heard another one tonight that just added so much to stuff I'm already processing through. It's just awesome how things just happen to come at a time when you need it most.
This morning the pastor told the story of how Peter denied Jesus three times and then how Jesus reinstates Peter and shows him such amazing grace. I have read that story maybe 28 times and I have never been more impacted than I was with it today. Peter fails Jesus in a big way. He denies their friendship and even knowing him at all. Jesus loves Peter in a way that I have no idea. He loves him so much that his desire is to redeem him. He appears to the disciples after his death and resurrection and the whole intention is to bring Peter back home. He asks Peter if he loves him three times - not to make him feel like crap or because he needs to hear it but because he knows Peter needs to have that conversation. After Peter tells him he loves him three times Jesus starts a discussion about his future and about how his death will glorify God. He gives Peter a picture of his life until death and it offers such hope. He doesn't bring up the fact that Peter failed him. Jesus doesn't love him less because of it. He never talks about it. He's done with it. I wonder if Peter was? Their whole interaction was meticulously designed to remind Peter of Jesus' love for him. Its amazing to see the way Jesus works.
God doesn't want our failures to destroy us. He wants them to deepen us into a better understanding of him and to deepen us to just love him more. He wants us to fail forward...to allow our failures to push us forward in our relationship with him. He doesn't focus on our past...he focuses on what's happening now and in the future. I LOVE THAT. Why is it SO hard to accept that? Why do we let our past paralyze us and keep us in this place that is not healthy for us. Why can't we believe that God is over it...he forgives us...he loves us? We allow our past to keep us from greatness and from experiencing true life and love. How do we break that? How do we live? How do we feel the same way about ourselves that God does? I just wish I knew even a little bit of that answer.